IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that the working week should be shorter and employers should have longer holidays.
This
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 essay totally disagrees with that statement. I believe that longer weekends have bad sides
such
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 as decreasing incomes and improving the
laziness
Use synonyms
 of all workers. First of all, if working weeks are shorter,
then
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 they will not work enough
time
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.
Furthermore
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, they will not get enough salaries.
For example
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, my friend’s dad. He is an accountant.
Firstly
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, he worked enough
time
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, about 6 hours on weekdays every day. But,
then
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 his manager said that the government cut their workdays to 3 days.
Initially
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, he was happy,
however
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, he did not know that he would have lower incomes. So, in the
end
Add a comma
end,
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 he suffered a lot from less money.  In my opinion, the second reason for my disagreement with that statement is
laziness
Use synonyms
. All workers will be happy
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if their workdays are cut down. Because, they will employ less than usual, but
then
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 they will suffer from
laziness
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. They do not want to do anything, even little housework
such
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 as cleaning and vacuuming.
For instance
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, my elder brother’s boss decreased his
time
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 of job
due to
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 his very good creativity. His boss thought that he should not think most of the
time
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, so the boss gave him
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 weekdays. But, in the end, my brother ended up losing
job
Correct pronoun usage
his job
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, because he was so lazy that he did not even go to his job even on his weekdays. In conclusion, for a high percentage of the population, cutting down on working weeks and increasing weekends are less important than working with usual
time
Use synonyms
 because of
less
Correct word choice
lower
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 salaries and
laziness
Use synonyms
 of workers.

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task achievement
Try to provide more balance in your argument by considering both sides of the debate, even if you ultimately disagree with the other side. This will demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using more transitional phrases can help to guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, try to include some additional supporting points to strengthen your main arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and thorough.
language and grammar
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases to make your writing clearer and more polished.
task achievement
Your introduction is clear and provides a good indication of your stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your position.
task achievement
The essay provides some relevant examples to support the main points, which enhances the clarity of your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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