IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The internet has transformed lives and economies but it is turning the world into a global village. Soon everybody will think and behave in the same way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#internet #lives #economies #world #village #everybody
The 21st century has been marked as an epoch of developing technologies with breakthrough transformations in every part of life starting from personal lifestyle to economies of countries,
however
,
this
 formidable rise of global web popularity
turn
Correct subject-verb agreement
turns
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 the Earth into collective farms. I would agree with
this
 point of view and discuss both sides of the problem. It is widely believed that
such
 social media has
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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myriad benefits in our
live
Replace the word
lives
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.
Firstly
,
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
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 absolutely changed the
way
 that data
transmit
Wrong verb form
is transmitted
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 from one point to another.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 with
creation
Add an article
the creation
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 of
Correct article usage
the web
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web
Add a comma
web,
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 most
of
Change preposition
apply
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people forget about letters, post offices and even telephones. Nowadays, individuals can connect with each other even if someone
located
Add a missing verb
is located
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 on another side of
planet
Add an article
the planet
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.
Secondly
the
Correct article usage
apply
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governmental developments cannot be overlooked
such
 as special sites for
citizens
Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
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 support.
Undoubtelly
Correct your spelling
Undoubtedly
, websites for online registration, receipt of documents, and submission of applications.
way
more
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apply
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better than
trip
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a trip
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 to
specialized
Correct article usage
a specialized
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 place.
On the other hand
, the opponents of
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
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 view provide their perspective reasons as well.
It is clear that
 each medal
have
Change the verb form
has
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their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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abominale
Correct your spelling
abominable
abdominal
 side, like
global
Add an article
the global
a global
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 web. No one would gainsay that
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
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 is
also
 a place of disinformation, criminal meetings and fraud that becoming more prominent
between
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among
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 teenagers, another
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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detrimental impact of
this
 is addiction. If someone
misuse
Change the verb form
misuses
show examples
 their telephones or
computes
Correct your spelling
computers
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, it will lead to
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 attachment to the
Internet
 that
consequently
 affects the
way
 of
desicion
Correct your spelling
decision
 and
own
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 of
Add an article
the user
a user
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user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
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, in most cases in the
baddest
Change the word
worst
show examples
way
. In a nutshell, there is a dispute between two views of
Internet
 affection on society.
However
, I think that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
also
 a dark side of
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
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 that
transform
Correct subject-verb agreement
transforms
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 the
word
Correct your spelling
world
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 into
the
Correct article usage
a
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 global village.
Submitted by adilbek300108 on

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coherence cohesion
While you have addressed both sides of the argument, your essay would benefit from clearer and more organized points. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your arguments flow logically. Consider using transition phrases more effectively to guide the reader.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets up the topic well, but aim for a more concise thesis statement that clearly outlines your stance. The conclusion could be stronger in summarizing your main points and reinforcing your argument.
relevant specific examples
Support your arguments with more specific examples and evidence. For instance, when discussing the benefits of the internet, you could provide statistical data or real-life instances to make your points stronger. Similarly, detail your concerns about misinformation and addiction with concrete examples.
task achievement
You’ve done well by presenting both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay addresses a range of relevant ideas related to how the internet has changed lives and economies.
introduction conclusion present
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, and you have raised many pertinent points about the impact of the internet.
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