IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think having a university degree is the best way to secure a good job. However, others believes skills and experience are more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #university #job #skills
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Some people think that to gain access to strong job opportunities, a
person
 needs to have a
university
degree
.
However
, others believe that being successful depends on
experience
 and skills to work. The first opinion is about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher
education
 to be
successful
Add an article
a successful
the successful
show examples
 specialist
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 profession,
must
Correct pronoun usage
one must
show examples
 have a
university
degree
. High
education
 often helps develop critical thinking, problem-solving, and specialised skills that are valuable in the workforce. Certain professions and industries often require a
degree
 as a minimum entry requirement. Without it, you might find yourself excluded from these opportunities. In some fields,
such
 as medicine, law, and engineering,
degree
Add an article
the degree
a degree
show examples
 is essential for obtaining the necessary licenses and certifications to practice professionally. Some people argue that a
degree
 is not always necessary for securing a goal job, emphasising the importance of skills and
experience
. There are different ways of
education
,
such
 as online courses, certifications and workshops they can provide specialised knowledge And training without the need for a traditional
degree
. In some rules,
prover
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
 results can demonstrate your value to potential employers more
effective
Change the word
effectively
show examples
 than a
degree
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 to have a successful career and job, people must have an
education
 from
university
. Because it’s promising a lot, and the company where the
person
 will work, will be much more confident
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
since
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 worker is an educated
person
. But of course, not every
person
 who graduated from
university
 is able to work
reliable
Change the word
reliably
show examples
 and experienced. For
this
, I’d like to give a solution: to intern at companies and gain
experience
while
 studying at the
university
 for résumé. In conclusion, we talked about the two opinions:
must-have
Correct your spelling
must have
show examples
 a
degree
 or just abilities. Actually, to be more clear with career, an expert who has an academic background
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
experience
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
shown
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 on
perfect
Correct article usage
a perfect
show examples
 résumé
while
 attending higher
education
 programs will have definitely incredible
post
Fix the agreement mistake
posts
show examples
 and profit.
Submitted by amirkhanovaak on

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grammar
Ensure all sentences are grammatically correct. For example, "a degree is essential for obtaining the necessary licenses and certifications to practice professionally" might be clearer as "a degree is essential for obtaining the necessary licenses and certifications to practice these professions professionally."
lexical resource
Try to use a more varied vocabulary. This would help to avoid repetition and make your essay more engaging. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'successful', you could use 'thriving', 'prosperous', or 'flourishing'.
task response
Broaden the range of examples to support your points, such as including specific industries or real-life cases which demonstrate the importance of skills and experience versus academic degrees.
general
The introduction clearly presents the two sides of the argument.
general
The essay maintains a balanced and objective tone when discussing both perspectives.
general
Conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a personal opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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