IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that if people are allowed to buy guns, they will be able to protect themselves and the crime rate can be lower. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

#people #guns #crime #rate #disagree？
In
this
 era, buying
guns
 is a controversial topic. A lot of
people
 think that if they have the authority to buy
guns
 they can protect themselves,
also
 it will help to decrease the
crime
 rate. I totally oppose
this
 statement. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
this
 more.
Firstly
,
guns
 have the potential to make everyone’s life miserable.
People
 will become short-tempered, increase in irritability and aggression, causing
people
 to kill each other over minor reasons.
For example
, regions with more
guns
 tend to have more
crime
 related to
guns
.
Instead
 of low down the
crime
 rate, it will increase the number of crimes gradually.
Secondly
, to safeguard the public, the government has made laws.
Moreover
, it will hamper the role of the police. With widespread gun ownership, law enforcement might face difficulty in keeping the community under law enforcement.
Also
 it
To conclude
, if buying
guns
 becomes easy for
people
 it will increase the
crime
 rate. For public protection government makes laws.
Submitted by kiranbirkaur003 on

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task achievement
Expand on your points with more detailed explanations and examples to provide a stronger argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Proofread for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve overall readability.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively outline and summarize your main stance.
task achievement
You've made a clear argument against gun ownership, providing a strong thesis statement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • advocate
  • debate
  • controversial
  • firearm
  • self-defense
  • crime prevention
  • deterrence
  • gun violence
  • gun control laws
  • public safety
  • accidental discharge
  • suicide prevention
  • impulsive
  • accessibility
  • legislation
  • firearm regulation
  • balancing
  • individual rights
  • crime rate
  • violence
  • arguments
  • opponents
  • supporters
  • proponents
  • second amendment
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