IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekends. Do you agree or disagree?

#week #workers #weekends
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The dynamic world and fleeting life in the 21st century require much higher productivity in working than ever before.
Nevertheless
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, there are some people who believe that
working
Correct article usage
the working
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week
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 should be officially shorter and that off-work days should be longer. I agree with
this
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 perspective
,
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apply
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 since it provides people with more
time
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 that could be dedicated to personal development and decreases the
stress
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,
that is
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 directly linked with overloading
due to
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 the work. First of all, shortening the workdays gives workers enough
time
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 to do personal tasks,
such
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 as developing a hobby, doing a sport, and spending
time
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 with family. Often, people, following a tough schedule provided by a job, do not have enough
time
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 to visit parents and loved ones when 2 weekends of the
week
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 are spent finishing a few extra tasks or house chores.
However
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, even without extra
tasks
Add a comma
tasks,
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 it is hard to manage the
time
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 equally for family, for hobby, and
for
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apply
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sport
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sports
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.
As a result
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, it can lead to worsening of the relationships with family members.
For example
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, the kids of overloaded parents often grow isolated from their family, which is witnessed through their
not close
Add a hyphen
not-close
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 relationship.
Long
Correct article usage
A long
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 working
week
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 is not convenient
to pay
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for paying
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 enough attention to
presonal
Correct your spelling
personal
 relationships.
Secondly
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, the vast majority of individuals have
a problems
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a problem
problems
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 with
the
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apply
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focusing, which is the result of increased
stress
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 from the job responsibilities that they have
whole
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a whole
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week
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. They are under the pressure of
the
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apply
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deadlines, and it is mostly physically and psychologically difficult for a person. Indeed,
the
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apply
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high
stress
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 leads to anxiety and lack of focus, and it results in
decrease
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a decrease
the decrease
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of
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in
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 the
effectivity
Replace the word
effectiveness
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 and productivity at work.
For instance
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, the experiment conducted in Gothenburg revealed that members of the group that worked 5 days a
week
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 were more physically active, less stressed, and experienced less back and neck pain rather than the control group that worked 6 or 7 days a
week
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. In conclusion, there is no doubt that the more working hours the higher the efficiency and value of what a person
did
Wrong verb form
does
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. Yet, upon examining the
numerious
Correct your spelling
numerous
 advantages of the shorter working
week
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, I am convinced that shortening the workdays would decrease
the
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apply
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stress
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 and give more freedom to manage their
time
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in
Change preposition
for
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 the purpose of personal development.
Submitted by IELTS nis on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt, explaining why you agree with the perspective that the working week should be shorter. However, to reach a higher score, ensure that your examples are highly specific and directly support your arguments. Likewise, addressing counterarguments can showcase your critical thinking skills.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, some of the sentences could be more concise to improve readability. Additionally, use a variety of cohesive devices to smoothly connect your points.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument effectively.
logical structure
Your main points are logical and comprehensible, and your essay is generally well-organized, making it easy to follow.
supported main points
You provide relevant examples and explanations to support your main points, which strengthens your argument.
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