All over the world,societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

Over the

few

Correct word choice

past few

show examples

years, it has

became

Change the verb form

become

show examples

less important than having a

health

Replace the word

healthy

show examples

diet

Use synonyms

and always

sport

Use synonyms

As a

Linking Words

result

Add a comma

result,

show examples

it is becoming

eirdent

Correct your spelling

evident

ardent

that

obesity

Use synonyms

rates

Verb problem

show examples

a serious

problem

Use synonyms

which

Correct word choice

that

show examples

adults and youngsters

suffering

Wrong verb form

suffer

show examples

Linking Words

This

Change preposition

In this

show examples

essay I will look at the reasons for

this

Linking Words

trend and propose some solutions. One of the main causes of

this

Linking Words

problem

Use synonyms

is that

people

Use synonyms

eating

Wrong verb form

eat

show examples

too much unhealthy food and have a poor

diet

Use synonyms

People

Use synonyms

eat underdone food like junk food

instead

Linking Words

of proteins and vitamins. Children

poor

Change preposition

with poor

show examples

Use synonyms

diet

Fix the agreement mistake

diets

show examples

run the risk of growth and can persist for

rest

Correct article usage

the rest

show examples

of their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

as being overweight. In the USA,

for example

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

consume white flour

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

has poor nutritional value than other

grain

Fix the agreement mistake

grains

show examples

. Dealing with

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

issues

Fix the agreement mistake

issue

show examples

people

Use synonyms

should get their proper

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

nutrition from

balanced

Add an article

a balanced

show examples

diet

Use synonyms

with

Change preposition

show examples

consuming fresh fruit and vegetables, whole grains, legumes and lean proteins. Another

problem

Use synonyms

is that many

people

Use synonyms

are less active.

Sedentary

Add an article

A sedentary

show examples

lifestyle is beckoning more and more children, meaning that youngsters may

Add a missing verb

be inline

show examples

inline

Correct your spelling

in line

show examples

Change preposition

with

show examples

obesity

Use synonyms

or even inadequate development. Children are obsessed with video games and are unable to organize their regime of

Use synonyms

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

. Added to

this

Linking Words

is the strain main resulting from being inactive. To tackle

this

Linking Words

problem

Use synonyms

people

Use synonyms

should do regular

sport

Use synonyms

. When you are

phsically

Correct your spelling

physically

active your heart and muscles, get

chance

Correct article usage

a chance

show examples

to reduce additional fat and

stimulates

Correct subject-verb agreement

stimulate

show examples

the release of endorphins. A third cause of the

problem

Use synonyms

that

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

high amount of

Use synonyms

strees

Correct your spelling

stress

. Daily

Use synonyms

strees

Correct your spelling

stress

stresses

also

Linking Words

contributes

Change the verb form

contribute

show examples

some

Change preposition

to some

show examples

level of

harmones

Correct your spelling

harm

involved in hunger and

sotiety

Correct your spelling

society

satiety

and can

empour

Correct your spelling

empower

cognitive

process

Fix the agreement mistake

processes

show examples

such

Linking Words

as self-regulation

Use synonyms

strees

Correct your spelling

stress

streets

trees

causes

harmonal

Correct your spelling

hormonal

changes that can increase sugar and blood levels in

blood

Add an article

the blood

show examples

, causing

people

Use synonyms

to crave foods high in calories, fat and sugar. Take the USA as an example.

According to

Linking Words

medican

Correct your spelling

medical

researchers, in the US more than 40 per cent of

people

Use synonyms

have

Verb problem

are

show examples

Use synonyms

obesity

Replace the word

obese

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because

streesive

Replace the word

of a stressful

show examples

lifestyle.

This

Linking Words

problem

Use synonyms

could be addressed by getting enough sleep. Getting enough energy can help

Correct pronoun usage

you to

show examples

think clearly and have more energy. To

seem

Verb problem

sum

show examples

up, having

Replace the word

too

show examples

much overweight has been jumping for

long

Change the article

a long

show examples

time,

due to

Linking Words

reason

Fix the agreement mistake

reasons

show examples

such

Linking Words

as poor

diet

Use synonyms

, sedentary lifestyle and

Use synonyms

strees

Correct your spelling

stress

This

Linking Words

is a serious

problem

Use synonyms

and unless we tackle

this

Linking Words

problem

Use synonyms

we might face

Change preposition

apply

show examples

plentiful

death

Fix the agreement mistake

deaths

show examples

because of

obesity

Use synonyms

between

Change preposition

among

show examples

both grown-upand and youngsters. My view is that

people

Use synonyms

who are overweight

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

should obey to balanced

diet

Use synonyms

regular

Add a missing verb

do regular

show examples

sport

Use synonyms

and enough sleep.

nursultonergashov19

Sep 11, 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Your essay addresses the task and presents relevant points about the causes of obesity and possible solutions. However, try to ensure each point is well-supported with clear and specific examples.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, some points in the body paragraphs could be organized more coherently. For example, you may want to present each cause and corresponding solution in separate paragraphs for clearer linkage between points.

general

Work on improving your grammar and vocabulary. There are several grammatical errors, such as sentence fragments and incorrect verb forms. Additionally, some phrases could be more precise and formal.

task achievement

You have effectively discussed multiple causes and solutions for obesity, ensuring a well-rounded response to the task.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are clear and work well to frame your argument.

general

Despite certain errors, you've attempted a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary, which is commendable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
57
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

400 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Obesity
Overweight
Epidemic
Sedentary
Processed food
Fast food
Nutritional education
Awareness
Stress
Emotional eating
Genetic factors
Access
Healthy food options
Marketing
Urbanization
Lifestyles

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

8
band
You are applying for a job and need a letter of reference. Write a letter to a former teacher. In your letter: give details of the job explain why it is important to you suggest what information your teacher could put in the reference
I hope you are doing well. I am writing this letter to let you know that I want to apply for a vacancy advertised in a newspaper that matches my qualifications. As per the advertisement, it requires a recommendation letter along with my CV and resume. I hope you can help me.
6.5
band
If some people get a chance to choose between life without work in spanning most of the time working, then they would choose not to work do you agree or disagree?
In today's world, if any group has two options, the first of them is , to live life without doing the job and another one is , to spend most of the time working. Then, they will only go for 1st one. I am completely convinced by this Statement. In further paragraphs, I will mention some of the reasons for these.
6
band
Some companies have uniforms for their staff which must be worn at all time. What are the advantages for a company of having a uniform? Are there any benefit of having uniform for a staff?
Some corporations require that their employees wear a special uniform while on duty. This essay will suggest that it is beneficial to have a uniform for the unity and community in the workplace and it is easier to get ready for work in the morning.
6.5
band
You are about to go on vacation for a month. A friend from another town will come and stay in your apartment. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter: explain where your friend can get the key to the apartment give your friend some instruction about using your apartment recommend some places to go
I am very happy about your stay in my apartment. I so missed you but I do not live in the city. I have a plan for my family. We are celebrating my father's birthday and you know my family live so far from me.
7
band
It is more important for the government to spend money on promoting the healthy lifestyle to prevent illness rather than on the treatment of people who are really ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Whether the government should subsidize money in healthcare to prevent illness or allocate funds to the treatment of patients has become an intense debate these days. I firmly believe that the former option is more beneficial than the latter and will outline my arguments for this opinion in this essay.

All over the world,societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

You are applying for a job and need a letter of reference. Write a letter to a former teacher. In your letter: give details of the job explain why it is important to you suggest what information your teacher could put in the reference

If some people get a chance to choose between life without work in spanning most of the time working, then they would choose not to work do you agree or disagree?

Some companies have uniforms for their staff which must be worn at all time. What are the advantages for a company of having a uniform? Are there any benefit of having uniform for a staff?

It is more important for the government to spend money on promoting the healthy lifestyle to prevent illness rather than on the treatment of people who are really ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?