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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, many families move overseas for job opportunities. Some people think it is beneficial for the children of these families. While others think children will find it difficult. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#families #move #job #opportunities #people #children
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In
this
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 contemporary world, it is argued that the fact of moving abroad can be beneficial for kids,
while
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 others agree that it would be harmful. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both these views and try to draw some conclusions. On the one hand, there are several benefits for children.
Firstly
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, new acquaintances. When kids immigrate with their parents to other countries, they can make new friends and get new emotions, which have a great effect on their
overall
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 well-being.
Secondly
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, experience. Kids can learn about
new
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the new
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 culture, traditions and education system of a country. And, of course, they will learn
new
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a new
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language
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. The more
language
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youngers
Correct your spelling
young people
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 know, the
more
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apply
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greater it would be for their future. Specifically, a minor knows 3 languages (English, French, Spanish), and thanks to
this
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 fact, they have more job opportunities and possibilities to live in these countries. On the flip side, there are a few drawbacks. The crucial disadvantage is the
language
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 barrier. If children know only their mother tongue, it would be difficult for them to study in another
language
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.
Moreover
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,
due to
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this
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 fact
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,
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children can face
with
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apply
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lots of problems,
such
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 as communication and possible bullying.
For example
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, a younger immigrates with their parents
due to
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the
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apply
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occupational reasons, and he or she will struggle with
new
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a new
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 tongue, and, of course, another mentality.
Overall
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,
this
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 has a harmful impact. In conclusion,
while
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 some argue that
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language
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the language
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 barrier can be damaging, I would
also
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 believe that moving abroad is always
new
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a new
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 experience and
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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.
Submitted by halilova039 on

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coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be rephrased for better clarity. For instance, 'due to this fact children can face with lots of problems' can be corrected to 'due to this, children may face numerous challenges.'
task achievement
Ensure consistent use of plural and singular forms, like 'new language' should be 'new languages' in some contexts. This improves readability and accuracy.
task achievement
The essay covers the prompt by discussing both views and giving an opinion.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with divided paragraphs and logical flow of ideas makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples to support points, such as the languages known leading to job opportunities.
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