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Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The provided charts provide information about the locations and types of
classes
Use synonyms
 that young people in Australia are currently attending.
Overall
Linking Words
, the pie
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates the type of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
;
additionally
Linking Words
, the bar
chart
Use synonyms
 shows how many people attend each
class
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the pie
chart
Use synonyms
, 48
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
classes
Use synonyms
 are located in private studios.
Additionally
Linking Words
, community halls and other facilities come in second place, accounting for 18
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the total. College-based
students
Use synonyms
 have the lowest rate at 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. The bar
chart
Use synonyms
 reveals that nearly 600 individuals under the age of 11 attend ballet
classes
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 over 500 individuals aged 11-16 attend modern
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
. The majority of
students
Use synonyms
 attending
classes
Use synonyms
 under the age of 11 are referred to as modern dancers, numbering approximately 300. In the age group of 11-16, ballet is the least attended
dance
Use synonyms
class
Use synonyms
, with approximately 300
students
Use synonyms
. Tap
dance
Use synonyms
class
Use synonyms
 is
second,
Linking Words
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
The group under 11 attended approximately 450
students
Use synonyms
, ages 11-16, and 400
students
Use synonyms
 at
this
Linking Words
 typo
class
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the pie charts illustrate the locations of the
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
. The majority
appears
Correct subject-verb agreement
appear
show examples
 to attend private studios, and the bar
chart
Use synonyms
 indicates that ballet
dance
Use synonyms
 is more popular among groups ages 0–11;
on the other hand
Linking Words
, groups aged 11–16 attend modern
classes
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "additionally".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words classes, chart, dance, class, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "provided" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • distribution
  • trend
  • demographic
  • community centers
  • private studios
  • online platforms
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • jazz
  • attendance
  • age groups
  • notable shifts
  • patterns
  • overview
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