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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart shows the distribution of British people spending
money
Use synonyms
 on
charity
Use synonyms
 by
age
Use synonyms
range
Use synonyms
 for the years 1990 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
age
Use synonyms
range
Use synonyms
 was 36-50 in 1990, it was 51-65 in 2010. It can be seen that the lowest percentage of
charity
Use synonyms
 spending was the young generation whose
age
Use synonyms
 between 18 and 25, for both
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
 the year 1990, when
age
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 getting older until the
age
Use synonyms
 of 50, individuals giving
money
Use synonyms
 to
charity
Use synonyms
 increased. After the
age
Use synonyms
 of 50, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of British
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 who spend
money
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
charity
Use synonyms
 decreased. For the year 2010, the distribution of individuals went up from the youngest
age
Use synonyms
range
Use synonyms
 to the
range
Use synonyms
 of 51-65;
however
Linking Words
, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 slightly decreased for
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
. It can be observed that in
initial
Correct article usage
the initial
show examples
 three
age
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 which are, 18-25, 26-35 and 36-50 respectively, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 rate has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased in two
decade
Change to a plural noun
decades
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2010, elderly people
tend
Wrong verb form
tended
show examples
 to give more
money
Use synonyms
 to
charties
Correct your spelling
charities
 than in 1990.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, charity, age, range, proportion with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • charitable donations
  • age range/bracket/group
  • percentage (%)
  • 20-year period
  • British people
  • trends
  • increase/decrease
  • significant change
  • donation patterns
  • remained stable
  • highest/lowest
  • observe
  • compare
  • summarize
  • comment on
  • relevant features
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