Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

People
can be split
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
two
gropus
Correct your spelling
groups
. Some tend to have a job in the same place all their life, others prefer to change often. Having a
carreer
Correct your spelling
career
for the same company lots of time has its advantages.
For example
, having a marriage and kids is easier staying in the same city for a certain period.
In addition
, you have more possibilities to know
people
better and create bonds to make some life-long friendships.
On the other hand
,
realationship
Correct your spelling
relationship
relationships
with your coworkers
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
be all fun and games.
For instance
, my father's boss didn't treat him and his colleagues well, leading to years of agony in the workplace
obbligating
Correct your spelling
obligating
him to leave. Working in different locations,
however
,
also
has its pros and cons. First of
all
Add a comma
all,
show examples
it expands your horizons moving,
for example
, abroad or in different cities. There you can meet tons of
people
and understand new
coltures
Correct your spelling
cultures
!
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
not very social
caracters
Correct your spelling
characters
can find it difficult to adapt to a new place and create
connetions
Correct your spelling
connections
with other
people
easily. In conclusion, I believe that balance should be in
everyone
Change noun form
everyone's
show examples
lives and both experiences should be done
ones
Correct your spelling
once
show examples
in a lifetime. I think is better to move around
while
being younger
while
you have lots of energy to enrich your
coltural
Correct your spelling
cultural
background and learn new skills. Afterwards, when getting older stabilize in a spot you are comfortable with to
plants
Wrong verb form
plant
show examples
roots and raise a family.
Submitted by alessandro.talese on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to present a more structured introduction stating clearly that you will discuss both views before giving your own opinion.
task achievement
Add a few more examples to support your arguments. For instance, include an example of someone who has benefited from working in the same organization their whole life.
coherence cohesion
Create clearer topic sentences for paragraphs to guide the reader on what each paragraph will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by using more cohesive devices like 'on one hand/on the other hand,' 'furthermore,' and 'in contrast'.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to small spelling and grammar mistakes as they can slightly affect the clarity of your essay (e.g., 'carreer' should be 'career,' 'coltures' should be 'cultures').
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument and provided examples to support your points.
task achievement
Your conclusion gives a balanced view and a personal opinion, which is good for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your reasoning is clear and logically sound.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Longevity
  • Corporate ladder
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Professional network
  • Diverse skill set
  • Industry exposure
  • Innovation
  • Resilience
  • Seniority
  • Job market
  • Career trajectory
  • Company culture
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Promotion prospects
  • Cross-functional experience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: