IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Imagine that a company plans to build an industry in your hometown. Discuss the factory might improve your community. Do you favor or oppose to build in your community. Give reasons and examples.

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Nowadays, the industrial expansion seems unstoppable. The building of new factories close to towns is
matter
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a matter
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 of debate among the
population
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. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss how the new manufacturing plants can improve the incomes and financial stability of the
population
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 of the cities
and
Correct word choice
apply
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on the other hand
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, People expressed
the
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their
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 concern
of
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about
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 how
the
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apply
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pollution can affect the quality of life.
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Although
Correct word choice
However
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 in my opinion, the benefits are higher than the drawbacks.
Firstly
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, the creation of a
factory
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 in a town always seems like a benefit for that particular place. A new
manufacture
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manufacturing
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industry
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 needs a lot of manpower,
thus
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 ensuring the availability of all kinds of jobs among the local
population
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.
For example
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, in my town, an enormous car
factory
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 employs around 2000 workers on each turn.
As a consequence
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, the employment rates are high,
in contrast
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 with other towns without
industry
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,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 suffer a higher unemployment rate.
This
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show
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shows
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 us the benefits of having an industrial complex near
of
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apply
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the cities.
In contrast
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, the creation of industrial parks near towns may set a drawback in the environmental aspect. The industries may contaminate the air, the water, the flora and fauna or all at the same time. As an example, in the
region
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region,
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 there is a paper
factory
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 that in recent years contaminated 10000l of water from the nearby river.
As a result
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, an enormous number of local fish died and the fishing
industry
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 was affected. If the industrial complex does not respect environmental laws, the
region
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region's
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 biosphere will suffer the consequences. In conclusion, the creation of new manufacturing is beneficial for the economy of the area, ensuring an income for the
population
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.
However
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, the authorities need to enforce environmental regulations,
thus
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 ensuring the stability of the local habitat and avoiding the possible drawbacks that the
factory
Use synonyms
 may create. In order to achieve the gigantic benefits that a new
industry
Use synonyms
 provides.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure of your essay, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows naturally into the next. Using cohesive devices, such as connectors and transition phrases, will help to improve the syntax and coherence.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific and diverse examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Avoid minor grammatical errors to make your writing more polished. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that succinctly summarize the main points. This effectively frames your argument and makes it easy for the reader to follow.
task achievement
Your ideas are clearly presented and you provide balanced arguments both for and against the construction of the factory, which shows a strong understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The example of the car factory in your town effectively demonstrates how local employment can benefit from industrial development. This makes your argument more relatable and concrete.
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