Some people think children should do extracurricular activities after school. Others think this will make them under presure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
It’s commonly believe
that extra-curricular Change the verb form
It’s commonly believed
activities
ought to be done by students
after school
, some people believe that children
will under
pressure.In my opinion, I consider that Add a missing verb
be under
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
activities
help students
develop their character.
On the one hand, some people think that children
who study at school
they
should do extra-curricular Correct pronoun usage
apply
activities
after school
and I agree. In other words
, students
who are involved extra-curricular
Change preposition
in extra-curricular
activities
are more motivated than others. For example
, students
generally apply themselves and work harder at school
however
don’t forget about physical activities
to help them develop their behaviors, habits, and many more.Furthermore
, being driven to develop the
version of themselves is vital in order to succeed not only at Correct article usage
a
school
but also
in life when , as adults, they must be stubborn and strong-wild
on the road Correct your spelling
strong
of
success
Change preposition
to
On the other hand
, it is usually believe
that it is better if Change the verb form
is usually believed
students
involve
they will feel under pressure. Wrong verb form
are involved
Additionally
, most parents desire and choose extra-curricular activities
for their children
also
without children
’s desires. For instance
, some students
feel pressure due to
extra-curricular activities
that they don’t want to get involved,
Change preposition
in, thus
thus
, it leads to bad academy
performance at Replace the word
academic
school
and not wanting to study. The children
are being deprived of opportunity
to choose for themselves obviously, they will need someone to choose for them in the future.
In conclusion, Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
while
people may vary in their opinions, I think that children
stand a better chance to succeed both in school
and in life if they’re encouraged to involved
Add a missing verb
be involved
Change preposition
in extra-curricular
extra-curricular
after Correct your spelling
extracurriculars
school
.Submitted by s_syedy on
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complete response
Work on developing your arguments more comprehensively. Try to include more specific examples and explanations to support your points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that your ideas are clearly articulated. Some sentences in your essay are a bit unclear and can be rephrased for better understanding.
clear comprehensive ideas
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to make your essay more engaging.
complete response
The essay addresses both views on the topic and provides an opinion, which wholly meets the task requirements.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is clear, and it is generally easy to follow.