Some people think children should do extracurricular activities after school. Others think this will make them under presure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
It’s commonly believe
that extra-curricular Change the verb form
It’s commonly believed
activities
ought to be done by Use synonyms
students
after Use synonyms
school
, some people believe that Use synonyms
children
will Use synonyms
under
pressure.In my opinion, I consider that Add a missing verb
be under
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
activities
help Use synonyms
students
develop their character.
On the one hand, some people think that Use synonyms
children
who study at Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
they
should do extra-curricular Correct pronoun usage
apply
activities
after Use synonyms
school
and I agree. Use synonyms
In other words
, Linking Words
students
who are involved Use synonyms
extra-curricular
Change preposition
in extra-curricular
activities
are more motivated than others. Use synonyms
For example
, Linking Words
students
generally apply themselves and work harder at Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
however
don’t forget about physical Linking Words
activities
to help them develop their behaviors, habits, and many more.Use synonyms
Furthermore
, being driven to develop Linking Words
the
version of themselves is vital in order to succeed not only at Correct article usage
a
school
but Use synonyms
also
in life when , as adults, they must be stubborn and Linking Words
strong-wild
on the road Correct your spelling
strong
of
success
Change preposition
to
On the other hand
, it Linking Words
is usually believe
that it is better if Change the verb form
is usually believed
students
Use synonyms
involve
they will feel under pressure. Wrong verb form
are involved
Additionally
, most parents desire and choose extra-curricular Linking Words
activities
for their Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
also
without Linking Words
children
’s desires. Use synonyms
For instance
, some Linking Words
students
feel pressure Use synonyms
due to
extra-curricular Linking Words
activities
that they don’t want to get involvedUse synonyms
,
Change preposition
in, thus
thus
, it leads to bad Linking Words
academy
performance at Replace the word
academic
school
and not wanting to study. The Use synonyms
children
are being deprived of Use synonyms
opportunity
to choose for themselves obviously, they will need someone to choose for them in the future.
In conclusion, Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
while
people may vary in their opinions, I think that Linking Words
children
stand a better chance to succeed both in Use synonyms
school
and in life if they’re encouraged to Use synonyms
involved
Add a missing verb
be involved
Change preposition
in extra-curricular
extra-curricular
after Correct your spelling
extracurriculars
school
.Use synonyms
Submitted by s_syedy on
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complete response
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complete response
The essay addresses both views on the topic and provides an opinion, which wholly meets the task requirements.
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The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is clear, and it is generally easy to follow.