Some people think children should do extracurricular activities after school. Others think this will make them under presure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Although
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,
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apply
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It’s commonly believe
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It’s commonly believed
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that extra-curricular
activities
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ought to be done by
students
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after
school
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, some people believe that
children
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will
under
Add a missing verb
be under
show examples
pressure.In my opinion, I consider that
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
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activities
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help
students
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develop their character. On the one hand, some people think that
children
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who study at
school
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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should do extra-curricular
activities
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after
school
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and I agree.
In other words
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,
students
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who are involved
extra-curricular
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in extra-curricular
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activities
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are more motivated than others.
For example
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,
students
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generally apply themselves and work harder at
school
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however
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don’t forget about physical
activities
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to help them develop their behaviors, habits, and many more.
Furthermore
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, being driven to develop
the
Correct article usage
a
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version of themselves is vital in order to succeed not only at
school
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but
also
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in life when , as adults, they must be stubborn and
strong-wild
Correct your spelling
strong
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on the road
of
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to
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success
On the other hand
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, it
is usually believe
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is usually believed
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that it is better if
students
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involve
Wrong verb form
are involved
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they will feel under pressure.
Additionally
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, most parents desire and choose extra-curricular
activities
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for their
children
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also
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without
children
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’s desires.
For instance
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, some
students
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feel pressure
due to
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extra-curricular
activities
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that they don’t want to get involved
,
Change preposition
in, thus
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thus
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, it leads to bad
academy
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academic
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performance at
school
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and not wanting to study. The
children
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are being deprived of
opportunity
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the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
to choose for themselves obviously, they will need someone to choose for them in the future. In conclusion,
while
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people may vary in their opinions, I think that
children
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stand a better chance to succeed both in
school
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and in life if they’re encouraged to
involved
Add a missing verb
be involved
show examples
Change preposition
in extra-curricular
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extra-curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurriculars
show examples
after
school
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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complete response
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clear comprehensive ideas
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clear comprehensive ideas
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complete response
The essay addresses both views on the topic and provides an opinion, which wholly meets the task requirements.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is clear, and it is generally easy to follow.
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