Some people say that parent should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own discuss both opinions and give your opinion ?

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The debate between
self-
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employment
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and traditional
employment
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is quite nuanced, and
both
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options offer distinct advantages and challenges.
While
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you highlight the flexibility of
self-
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employment
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, it's
also
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important to consider the
stability
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and structure offered by traditional jobs. Here’s a revised version of your essay with a more balanced view: --- Some people believe that self-employed
individuals
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are in a better position than those who
work
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for companies or organizations. I personally think that traditional job holders may have advantages in terms of balancing their
work
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and free time.
This
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essay will explore
both
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perspectives and provide a personal opinion. One of the primary
benefits
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of being self-employed is the flexibility in working hours. Unlike traditional job holders who often have fixed schedules, self-employed
individuals
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can choose when to
work
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and when to take time off.
For instance
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, an online entrepreneur can manage their time based on their own preferences, posting products on social media and responding to orders as they come in.
This
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autonomy allows self-employed
individuals
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to create a
work
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-life balance that suits their personal needs and lifestyle.
On the other hand
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, employees in traditional office settings typically have designated working hours and may face the necessity of working overtime.
While
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overtime can be compensated with extra pay, it often demands significant dedication and patience. Some
individuals
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may find it challenging to manage long hours or maintain productivity under pressure. Despite these challenges, traditional
employment
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can offer a structured environment with clear expectations, which can be beneficial for those who thrive on routine and
stability
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.
Moreover
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, traditional jobs often come with additional
benefits
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such
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as health insurance, retirement plans, and paid leave, which are not always available to self-employed
individuals
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.
This
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security can be a major advantage for employees who prefer a more predictable and secure
work
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situation. In conclusion,
both
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self-
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employment
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and traditional
employment
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have their respective merits.
Self-
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employment
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offers flexibility and autonomy,
while
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traditional jobs provide
stability
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and additional
benefits
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. The choice between the two depends on individual preferences and career goals. Personally, I believe that
while
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self-
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employment
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provides freedom, the structured environment and
benefits
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of traditional
employment
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can
also
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be highly advantageous, particularly for those who value
stability
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and support in their professional lives. ---
This
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revised essay presents a more balanced view of
both
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self-
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employment
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and traditional
employment
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, acknowledging the unique advantages and potential drawbacks of each.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Make sure to tailor your examples more specifically to the topic of parents encouraging children to participate in organized group activities vs. children occupying themselves. Although the structure and clarity are strong, specific examples directly related to the topic will enhance task response.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion further, consider using more transitional phrases that link the pros and cons discussion more fluidly. This will create an even smoother flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. Your logical structure makes it easy for readers to follow your arguments.
task achievement
Your response comprehensively addresses both perspectives and provides a well-articulated personal opinion. The clarity of ideas is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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