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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people working from home using modern technology today. some people think that only the workers benefit from this and not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
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 day and age,
people
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 have different views on how technological breakthroughs impact on own
work
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.
While
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 there are some good arguments in favour of the view that working online might be harmful to superiors. I personally disagree with
this
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 notion for some
reasons
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. On the one hand, there are two primary
reasons
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 why individuals believe that working from
home
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 is considered to be more disadvantageous for employers. The first reason is that many organizations nowadays allow their employees to solve problems at
home
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,
while
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 they still require employers to show up at companies
due to
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 their vital roles.
This
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 created a negative thought of
people
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 that only the
workers
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 are the only beneficial
people
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. Another reason would be
people
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 argue that staying at
home
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 to
work
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 might not be effective
due to
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 the lack of
controlled
Change the form of the verb
control
show examples
 that bosses provide.
For instance
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, in Vietnam,
people
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 tend to forget to do their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 if no one reminds them about it, which might be harmful to the company's income.
On the other hand
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, apart from the practical
reasons
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 expressed above. I maintain that working online can be more beneficial for some major
reasons
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.
Firstly
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,
people
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 who
work
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 from
home
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 can manage their time to
work
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 and solve problems effectively.
This
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 allows individuals to choose their own time when they find it best for working, which could alleviate their feelings
overall
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.
Secondly
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,
this
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 phenomenon can enable corporations to hire employees around the world, enhancing their company's revenue
due to
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 the diversity of
workers
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.
For instance
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, in Vietnam, many big organizations have foreign
workers
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 and they often come up with solutions that Vietnamese
people
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 can not. In conclusion,
while
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 there are certain
reasons
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 why
people
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 believe online working is only beneficial for employees, it seems to me that
this
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 advancement not only helps the
workers
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 but
also
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 the superiors

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task achievement
To improve your overall response, ensure every point is clearly connected to the main topic. Providing more specific examples would also add depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
While your essay follows a logical structure, strengthening your connections between ideas and paragraphs will greatly improve the flow and coherence.
content
Your essay clearly presents both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced analysis.
structure
You have included an introduction and a conclusion which help to frame your essay effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote work
  • modern technology
  • productivity
  • conducive work environment
  • expenses
  • physical office spaces
  • rent
  • utilities
  • office supplies
  • global talent
  • geographic location
  • skilled workers
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • turnover rates
  • carbon emissions
  • commuting
  • office buildings
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