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Band 6.5

The diagrams below show the life cycle of the silkwort and the stages in the production of silk cloth. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the life cycle of the silkwort and the stages in the production of silk cloth. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #life #cycle #silkwort #stages #production #silk #cloth #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The two diagrams illustrate the silkworm's life stages and the step-by-step of
silk
 cloth production.
Overall
, there are four stages of
silkworm's
Correct article usage
the silkworm's
show examples
 life cycle, starting with egg production and ending with
moth
Correct article usage
a moth
show examples
 born from
cocoon
Add an article
the cocoon
a cocoon
show examples
. Meanwhile,
silk
 cloth making consists of five steps, beginning with
silk
 thread selection and
put
Wrong verb form
putting
show examples
 the result into dye fluid.
First,
silkworm
egg
Fix the agreement mistake
eggs
show examples
 produced in nature gathered in one group.
While
 the egg transforms
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a larva after ten days, it consumes mulberry leaf as its diet in the next stage.
Furthermore
, it takes four to six weeks for the larva to produce
silk
 thread around its body. After 3-8 days,
larva
Add an article
the larva
show examples
 will covered in
cocoon
Add an article
a cocoon
the cocoon
show examples
 and after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it will change form to a moth before producing eggs
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first stage. Moving to the process of producing
silk
garment
Fix the agreement mistake
garments
show examples
,
initially
,
silk
 threads are shorted out before boiling them in a big pan of water. After
boiled
Change the form of the verb
boiling
show examples
, the threads are unrolled so that the length can be measured, amounting to around 300-900 meters.
Then
, the
unwind
Replace the word
unwinding
show examples
 threads are twisted before dying
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
into a big pan of dying solution.
Furthermore
, the twisted thread
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 weaved and re-dyed to the dying fluid.
Submitted by chocolate10 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words silk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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