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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The line graph shows how much money overseas visitors spent in the UK from 1980 - 2010 and the pie charts show the reasons for their visits in 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph shows how much money overseas visitors spent in the UK from 1980 - 2010 and the pie charts show the reasons for their visits in 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #money #visitors #uk #show #visits #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The line graph gives information
foreign
Change preposition
on foreign
show examples
 travelers' expenditures in the UK, between 1980 and 2010, units are given in millions
Change preposition
of pound
show examples
pound
Fix the agreement mistake
pounds
show examples
. The pie charts illustrate the visiting reasons in 1980 and 2010.
Overall
, it can be clearly seen that the highest amount of money was spent in 1995.
Additionally
, the majority of visitors came to the UK in order to have a holiday in both years.
Initially
, tourists' expenditures were just above 5,500
mllions
Correct your spelling
million
millions
;
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 nearly doubled from 1980 to 1995. It can be observed that there was a downward trend between 1995 and 2000;
however
, the amount of money spent in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 increased again after the year 2000. Regarding of reasons for the
visists
Correct your spelling
visits
, visiting family members or friends
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased by nearly 10%, from 18.7% to 28.2%. The main difference was in the category
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 named other, which decreased by half. The proportion of tourists fell by 5%, from 44.1 to 39.1 in 3 decades.
Submitted by xxxx17 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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