IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Personal development -agree or disagree..personal development is the base for professional development and advancing in once carrier. To what extend do you agree or disagree

#development #-agree #base #carrier
I personally believe that personal development can help a
person
 to grow as a professional. When a
person
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 aware of himself,
understands
Correct word choice
and understands
show examples
 his strengths and weaknesses, he can easily advance in his career.
Moreover
, what a
person
 believes about himself in his personal thoughts,
he it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is actually it is in his professional
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
life
. Personal life shadows one's
profesional
Correct your spelling
professional
 life because it helps a
person
 to act as a professional.
For example
, those who love to take challenges in their personal lives, have the same courage and enthusiasm
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their professional lives and love to overcome challenges. When a
person
 grows as a professional, he grows personally as well. Most importantly, his personal development shapes his professional career.
However
, it is
recomended
Correct your spelling
recommended
 in some professions to keep aside personal beliefs, prejudices, and ideas to maintain cultural competence. Social work is one of them which requires a clean and fresh image of the professional.
This
 profession deals with people from diverse backgrounds and
therefore
, being professional, not personal is very important here.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider adding clear introductory and concluding paragraphs. This will provide a more structured framework to your essay.
task achievement
Strengthen your argument by elaborating more on key points and providing additional specific examples. For instance, you can describe in more detail how personal development skills like time management or emotional intelligence can translate to professional success.
task achievement
Try to correct minor grammatical errors to improve clarity and readability, such as 'professional lifes', which should be 'professional life'.
task achievement
The essay provides a thoughtful analysis of the relationship between personal and professional development.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the one about social work, help to illustrate the points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The writing features a logical progression of ideas, making it generally easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: