IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Due to development and rapid expansion supermarkets in some countries, many small, local businesses are unable to compete. some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some people said that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
small size
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 struggling to compete with
supermarkets
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 has been increasing
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 high pace resulting in
death
Add an article
the death
show examples
 of local
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
. I strongly disagreed with
this
Linking Words
statements
Fix the agreement mistake
statement
show examples
 because
this
Linking Words
 comparison is not
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 the stauts and local
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 serve the needs of
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 community and
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a vital role in
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 of the state.
Body paragraph 1
To
begins
Correct subject-verb agreement
begin
show examples
 with,
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 rapidly
progress
Wrong verb form
progressed
show examples
 in many
countries
Use synonyms
 which are progressed in
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 time.
Body paragraph 2
Before
this
Linking Words
Change the noun form
trend
show examples
trends
Add a comma
trends,
show examples
 people from many
natios
Correct your spelling
nations
 only rely on small
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 shifting in numbers of population resulting in expansion of utilization. Individuals
prefers
Change the verb form
prefer
show examples
 to
shopping
Change the verb
shop
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 big stores that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 all the amenities under one roof in order to save time and cost of travel .
Body paragraph 3
For Example
Linking Words
,
In china
Correct your spelling
in China
show examples
 from 2005 to 2020
trens
Correct your spelling
retailers
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been shifting from small stores to
supermarkets
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, In
recent
Correct article usage
a recent
show examples
 survey
Change preposition
of china
show examples
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
Use synonyms
supermarkets
Change noun form
supermarkets'
supermarket's
show examples
 growth in terms of count,
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 exponentially rise by
10 fold
Correct your spelling
10fold
 in comparison to 10 years earlier .
Thus
Linking Words
, it is said that trends
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been shifting more towards superstores rather than small stores .
Body paragraph 4
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Local
business
Use synonyms
 runs in many under-developed
countries
Use synonyms
 in
smooth
Add an article
a smooth
show examples
 fashion. In some
Use synonyms
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 local companies are only able to fulfill the needs of their surroundings because of limited resources and lack of funds .
Body paragraph 5
For Example
Linking Words
, In
Pakistan
Add a comma
Pakistan,
show examples
 small
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 are very popular among the nation.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the report issued by the IMF (International Monetary Fund)
last
Linking Words
 year, 45% of
Correct article usage
the pakistani
show examples
pakistani
Change the capitalization
Pakistani
show examples
 economy
rely
Correct subject-verb agreement
relies
show examples
 on small
comapnies
Correct your spelling
companies
company's
 revenue.
Hence
Linking Words
, these tiny
business
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 country.
Conclusion
To summarize, there is no
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
 between the local
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 in
under develop
Correct your spelling
underdeveloped
show examples
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 and
supermarket
Fix the agreement mistake
supermarkets
show examples
 in
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
. Both
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the needs of the nations and play in economies.

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coherence and cohesion
You should work on improving the clarity of your argument. Make sure each paragraph clearly relates to your main thesis. This would help in making your essay more comprehensible.
grammar and vocabulary
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings in your essay. Try to focus on sentence structure and grammar to make your writing clearer and more professional.
task achievement
Provide more well-rounded and specific examples, preferably from multiple countries or contexts, to make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear and discernible structure in your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You make a valid point about the role of local businesses in underdeveloped countries, and you use a specific example from Pakistan to support it.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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