Due to development and rapid expansion supermarkets in some countries, many small, local businesses are unable to compete. some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
#development #expansion #supermarkets #countries #businesses #people #closure #business #death #communities
Some people said that
the
small size Correct article usage
apply
business
struggling to compete with Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
supermarkets
that
has been increasing Correct pronoun usage
which
on
Change preposition
at
very
high pace resulting in Correct article usage
a very
death
of local Add an article
the death
business
. I strongly disagreed with Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
this
statements
because Fix the agreement mistake
statement
this
comparison is not upto
the stauts and local Correct your spelling
up to
business
serve the needs of Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
local
community and Add an article
the local
plays
a vital role in Correct subject-verb agreement
play
economy
of the state.
To Add an article
the economy
begins
with, Correct subject-verb agreement
begin
supermarkets
rapidly progress
in many Wrong verb form
progressed
countries
which are progressed in short
time.
Before Add an article
a short
this
Change the noun form
trend
trends
people from many Add a comma
trends,
natios
only rely on small Correct your spelling
nations
business
. Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
Moreover
, due to
shifting in numbers of population resulting in expansion of utilization. Individuals prefers
to Change the verb form
prefer
shopping
Change the verb
shop
on
big stores that Change preposition
in
has
all the amenities under one roof in order to save time and cost of travel .
Change the verb form
have
For Example
, In china
from 2005 to 2020 Correct your spelling
in China
trens
Correct your spelling
retailers
has
been shifting from small stores to Correct subject-verb agreement
have
supermarkets
. However
, In recent
survey Correct article usage
a recent
Change preposition
of china
china
Capitalize word
China
supermarkets
growth in terms of count, Change noun form
supermarkets'
supermarket's
supermarkets
exponentially rise by 10 fold
in comparison to 10 years earlier . Correct your spelling
10fold
Thus
, it is said that trends has
been shifting more towards superstores rather than small stores .
Change the verb form
have
On the other hand
, Local business
runs in many under-developed countries
in smooth
fashion. In some Add an article
a smooth
countries
local companies are only able to fulfill the needs of their surroundings because of limited resources and lack of funds .
Add a comma
countries,
For Example
, In Pakistan
small Add a comma
Pakistan,
business
are very popular among the nation. Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
Additionally
, according to
the report issued by the IMF (International Monetary Fund) last
year, 45% of Correct article usage
the pakistani
pakistani
economy Change the capitalization
Pakistani
rely
on small Correct subject-verb agreement
relies
comapnies
revenue. Correct your spelling
companies
company's
Hence
, these tiny business
plays a vital role in development
of Add an article
the development
this
country.
To summarize, there is no comparision
between the local Correct your spelling
comparison
business
in Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
under develop
Correct your spelling
underdeveloped
country
and Fix the agreement mistake
countries
supermarket
in Fix the agreement mistake
supermarkets
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
countries
. Both fulfill
the needs of the nations and play in economies.Change the spelling
fulfil
Submitted by muhammadahtsham457 on
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coherence and cohesion
You should work on improving the clarity of your argument. Make sure each paragraph clearly relates to your main thesis. This would help in making your essay more comprehensible.
grammar and vocabulary
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings in your essay. Try to focus on sentence structure and grammar to make your writing clearer and more professional.
task achievement
Provide more well-rounded and specific examples, preferably from multiple countries or contexts, to make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear and discernible structure in your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You make a valid point about the role of local businesses in underdeveloped countries, and you use a specific example from Pakistan to support it.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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