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Band 5.5

More and more people today are visiting extreme places such as Antarctica or the Sahara desert. What are the advantages or disadvantages of such travels?

#people #places #antarctica #sahara #desert
Nowadays, most
people
 tend to go the dangerous places like the Sahara desert and Antarctica where the weather
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not comfortable for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life.
This
 essay will suggest that the life-threatening journey is the primary disadvantage of
this
 and getting a
dophamine
Correct your spelling
dopamine
 from
such
 areas is the biggest advantage. The main drawback of
this
 trip is that it can be harmful to
people
's
life
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lives
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 as Antarctica is the coldest place, and the Sahara desert is the hottest one, so they are not suitable for living.
In addition
, the creatures that inhabit there are wild
,
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apply
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 and can attack tourists. The Times recently reported that in 2018 only 20% of individuals who risked to climb
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Mount
Everesest
Correct your spelling
Everest
 which is the highest mountain, came back from the trip. Despite these negative aspects, many
people
 often find it interesting to see
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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 of beauty of the world,since there are wild animals
such
 as
penguinss
Correct your spelling
penguins
, Saharan
fox
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foxes
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,
antelope
Correct word choice
and antelope
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, which exist only there.
Moreover
, the internet is so popular and when we see the photos on it, we feel like we were there in real life, so that's why when we take a tour to extreme places, it gives a
lot
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lot of
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 emotions and is intriguing
for
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apply
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all of us. What is more, it can help to explore
flora
Correct article usage
the flora
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 and fauna of inaccessible locations. In conclusion, taking a risk to
visiting
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visit
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 extreme regions can be advantageous, if
people
 comply
the
Change preposition
with the
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 safety measures.
However
, they should
also
 be careful that it does not lead to disillusionment with travel altogether.
Submitted by omarovaa.access on

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Grammar and Punctuation
Polish your grammar and punctuation. There are a few minor mistakes that affect the overall readability.
Task Achievement
Try to use more specific examples to better illustrate your points, especially when discussing the advantages of visiting extreme places.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and flow better.
Structure
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frame your arguments.
Task Achievement
You have presented both advantages and disadvantages, making your essay well-balanced.
Task Achievement
Your use of specific creatures and statistical data make your points more compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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