Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to staying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is a controversial topic whether should university
students
get extra
subjects
in their universities or just focus on their main
subjects
. I firmly agree that
students
must stay on one subject.
This
essay will explore both perspectives and give several reasons why I disagree with getting additional classes. On the one hand, every
pupils
Change to a singular noun
pupil
show examples
should pay attention to other
subjects
besides
their primary fields.
This
is essential to enhance their general knowledge and experiences. A person who pursues an additional subject will gather new information, which plays a vital role in increasing his general knowledge.
For example
, a medicine student can attend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history classes in order to be
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
intellectually
Change the word
intellectual
show examples
person.
Also
, by doing so, people will be more aware of the world.
This
may alter his or her perspective.
Thus
, receiving extra
subjects
is crucial for personal and intellectual improvement
On the other hand
, university
students
have to only study and give all effort to their major domains to become
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
. To attain
qualification
Add an article
the qualification
show examples
, it is essential to study
edeavorously
Correct your spelling
decorously
with immense determination. Many renowned scientists spent their whole lives to accomplish success. Albert Einstein,
for instance
, tried several times to find his theories about quantum physics.
Therefore
, if individuals want to achieve something notable, they have to give all their time to one subject. In conclusion,
although
some people suggest
to study
Change the verb form
studying
show examples
other field
Change the wording
another field
other fields
show examples
because of improving their general knowledge and
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
more conscious, I strongly agree that university
students
have to put a significant effort
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
their original
subjects
which is needed
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
recieveing
Correct your spelling
receive
a qualification and
proving
Wrong verb form
prove
show examples
something valuable.
Submitted by Yasar Khan on

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task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task by discussing both perspectives, but the arguments could be better organized. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and avoid repetition.
coherence cohesion
Try to use linking words and phrases more fluently to enhance the flow of ideas. This will improve the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay. Consider using such phrases as 'In addition,' 'Moreover,' and 'Furthermore' to connect your points better.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents and discusses both views on the topic, which shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effective in framing the essay's argument.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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