Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people

The high level of

sugar

problem is being followed from our ancestor's time.

However

, today's generation is most likely having

sugar

problems because of the

highly

Change the word

high

show examples

fast food

consumption

. I disagree with the statement that

ugar

Correct your spelling

sugar

war

necessary

Add an article

a necessary

show examples

ingredient in our daily life

consumption

, making

sugar

expensive is not the solution.

In addition

, government the can take action against the company, which

produce

Correct subject-verb agreement

produces

show examples

highly sugary drinks or meals. Commencing with the most prominent reason,

sugar

is consumed in our daily life food ingredients, making essential things expensive can cause inflation.

Although

Correct word choice

However

show examples

, raising

sugar

prices can lead to

consumption

where necessary.The raised price will maintain a balance on

individuals

Change noun form

individuals'

individual's

show examples

health.

For instance

, take action against those who manufacture

contain

Verb problem

apply

show examples

sugary items

for example

, in recent times, A YouTuber named "Dhruv Rathea" from India, launched a video against a juice firm which was containing Ultimate chemicals with high levels of

sugar

Furthermore

, after that viral video state government took action and warned firm owners to reduce chemical

consumption

Moreover

, increasing the prices, and taxes could not be the solution to revoke

consumption

However

, increasing the prices can encourage smugglers to smuggle sweets and sell them on the black market In conclusion,

although

first,

this

solution seems reasonable

due to

helping individuals healthier lives and make new habits about diet. if you observe deeper, you will find out there is no food available in the market which prevents

Sugar

Submitted by tushalk329 on Thu Sep 12 2024

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task achievement

Work on providing clearer and more comprehensive ideas to support your viewpoint. This can be done by expanding on specific points and explaining their relevance in more depth.

coherence cohesion

Improve logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and directly relates to the topic. Transitions between paragraphs should also be smoother.

coherence cohesion

You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in structuring the essay.

task achievement

The example of the YouTuber Dhruv Rathee is relevant and helps support your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

237 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

health problems
manufactured food and drink products
sugary products
excessive sugar consumption
discourage
promote
healthier choices
reduce
increased taxes
fund
health education
prevention programs

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