IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Austrailian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Austrailian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features.
#first #energy #austrailian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions #information #features
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The given charts illustrate
on
Change preposition
apply
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how much of the usage
energy
Change preposition
of energy
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 household
along with
 greenhouse
gas
emissions
 created from the
energy
use
 in typical Australian residents.
Overall
, it can clearly be seen that heating activities
has
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have
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 become the biggest
energy
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
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while
 water heating, positioning
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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second place in
energy
use
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
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 greenhouse
gas
emissions
. In terms of heating activities, both heating and water heating made up 42% and 30%, respectively, in
energy
use
.
While
 water heating
create
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creates
show examples
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
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 greenhouse
gas
emissions
, accounting for 32% of the
porportion
Correct your spelling
proportion
,
suprisingly
Correct your spelling
surprisingly
, heating has more
environmentally-friendly
Correct your spelling
environmentally friendly
show examples
 which only
gather
Correct subject-verb agreement
gathers
show examples
 15%. Regarding others,
refrigration
Correct your spelling
refrigeration
refrigerator
 which mainly
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
 in
freezer
Fix the agreement mistake
freezers
show examples
 and
refrigrator
Correct your spelling
refrigerator
 using household
energy
 accounted for 7%,
while
 it
quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
show examples
produce
Correct subject-verb agreement
produces
show examples
 higher
emissions
 at 14%. Cooling and lightning, both
use
least
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the least
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energy
, accounting for 2% and 4%, respectively. When combined
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, the
gas
emissions
 production only at just above one-fifth of the total percentage.
On the other hand
, other appliances
use
 15%
energy
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of energy
show examples
 and produce
at
Change preposition
apply
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just above one-fourth,
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 the second most emitting sector.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, gas, emissions, use with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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