In many countries today, both men and women need to work full time. Therefore, some people think men and women should share household task equally (e.g. cleaning and looking after children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent times
household
tasks
are
increased. It is a highly debatable issue whether Verb problem
have
parents
should share household
tasks
, or whether it is the women's responsibility. This
essay will outline the benefits of helping each other in home
Add a hyphen
in-home
activity
.
Working both males and females Fix the agreement mistake
activities
togother
has a vital role in social life. It promotes Correct your spelling
together
the
sense of collaboration between Correct article usage
a
parents
which can lead to the
empathy. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, the result of conducted research at Glasgow University illustrates that 90% of parents
live more happy
Correct word choice
happier
life
than those who depend only on Fix the agreement mistake
lives
the
Correct article usage
apply
womens
. Correct your spelling
women
Furthermore
, helping each other in
Change preposition
with
household
tasks
may open doors to explore
a new experience. If the men try to cook food, Wrong verb form
exploring
potentialy
they will be empowered to cook various types of food. Correct your spelling
potentially
Thus
, they could learn and gain experience from each other.
In addition
, parents
can learn to become independent people.this
may helps
them when they travel abroad. Change the verb form
help
For instance
, my friend Fatma her husband always helps her and now he is self-reliant as he can clean and wash clothes when he travel
abroad. Change the verb form
travels
Moreover
, the benefits of helping each other not
only limited to Add a missing verb
are not
household
tasks
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
it has
a big impact on saving time. Men and women would often finish their work early and without effort. To illustrate, my sister has enough time to Wrong verb form
have
visite
her Correct your spelling
visit
relevents
and shopping Correct your spelling
relatives
due to
her husband's help. So, this
can make the family more relax
.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
relaxed
boosts
Wrong verb form
boosting
self-esteems
, Correct your spelling
self-esteem
gains
many skills , Wrong verb form
gaining
be
independent people and Wrong verb form
being
save
time are all the benefits of sharing Wrong verb form
saving
household
tasks
. Therefore
, the idea of depending only on womens
Correct your spelling
women
women's
shold
be stopped. Both Correct your spelling
should
male
and Fix the agreement mistake
males
female
should have a Fix the agreement mistake
females
balance
life.Change the verb form
balanced
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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your arguments with additional supporting details. For instance, further explanation on how undertaking household tasks specifically boosts self-esteem and independence would be helpful.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow. Some points started abruptly and could benefit from better transitions.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets up the discussion well by addressing the two viewpoints and stating what the essay will cover.
supported main points
You've used relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay and makes it more relatable.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion aptly summarizes the key points discussed in the essay, reinforcing your stance.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?