IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The two pie charts below show total world energy consumption and electricity generation for last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two pie charts below show total world energy consumption and electricity generation for last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#two #show #world #energy #consumption #electricity #generation #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The pie charts show the proportion of
energy
that is
 generated and consumed in the world by a range of different
sources
. It is noticeable that there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 considerable differences between the two. When we look at the
energy
 which we consume
it is clear that
 most of that
energy
came
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 from fossil fuels with over 75% coming from these traditional methods. The majority of which was from oil at 34.3%. Alternative
energy
sources
such
 as nuclear and
hydro power
Correct your spelling
hydropower
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
made up a relatively small proportion at just 6.5 and 2.2 %
respective
Change the word
respectively
show examples
. These figures are very different when looking at the
energy
 that we generated. Again, the majority was from fossil fuels at approximately 65%.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 oil made up a fairly small percentage at just 6.7%.
This
 meant that we were generating considerably more
energy
 from alternative
sources
 with nuclear and hydro being 15.7 and 16.1%
respective
Change the word
respectively
show examples
.
Overall
, we can see that there are similarities in the production and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
utilisation of fuel and that we are heavily dependent on fossil fuels.
However
, it is perhaps reassuring that
last
 year we generated significantly more
energy
 from renewable
sources
 than from oil.
Submitted by xxxx17 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, sources with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 2 times.
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