These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
It is irrefutable true that
people
are migrating from those places,where they spent their childhood period because of numerous reasons such
as career opportunities as well as
a better lifestyle
.According to
me,the above statement has paramount benefits instead
of its demerits in the form of career establishment,
Correct word choice
and, luxurious
luxurious
Correct article usage
a luxurious
lifestyle
.
The main merit of leaving their own town is that due to
the competitive era,people
want to reach the zenith of success to lead a luxurious lifestyle
, sometimes,which is impossible to live in small towns and underdeveloped countries.For example
,multitalented people
of India,are moving to Canada to earn a handsome salary in the dollar,which was not possible for to
stay in their own country.Correct pronoun usage
them to
This
thing is proved in a 2024 survey by a national newspaper that was published by a famous journalist with certain proof as well as
facts.Hence
,they decide to immigrate to developed countries such
as America,Canada and Australia.Moreover
,they make a decision for their children's nourishment.While
living in a multicultural environment, they acquire a piece of knowledge about various languages as well as
culture,which is good for spreading a business worldwide .
However
,there is also
a certain downside while
migrating overseas is
Unnecessary verb
apply
that
masses forget about their rituals and cultural ethics.Correct determiner usage
the
For instance
,my maternal uncle left my hometown 10 years ago and settled in Canada along with
their family.Now,his children don't have knowledge about our sikh culture as well rituals
,which are performed every year at festivals.Correct word choice
as rituals
Hence
,the upcoming generation has effect
Add an article
an effect
due to
immigration.
To Conclude
,although
moving to other countries is a wise decision for people
to lead a good as well as
a wealthy lifestyle
not only for themselves but also
for their children,its demerits can not outweigh its merits.Submitted by kamalkaur.er on
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task achievement
To enhance your task achievement, focus on providing more relevant and specific examples. For instance, rather than a general statement about people moving abroad, detail specific scenarios and their impacts.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next. Better use of linking words and phrases can help with this.
overall
Work on minimizing grammatical errors and improving vocabulary to make your arguments more compelling. For instance, use a mix of simple and complex sentence structures for more impact.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a personal stance on the topic and introduces clear arguments both for and against the motion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-formed, summarizing the arguments adequately.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...