Many families move to different countries. Some people think children can benefit from this, while other consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. Discuss both views and you opinion.

In today's modern era,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
of the folks prefer to
move
and settle in
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign
countries which are developed. Individuals, couples
as well as
families
prefer to settle down in more developed nations. no doubt it is beneficial for them but sometimes
children
find it very hard to adjust and adapt
the
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to the
show examples
changes so they go through a lot
while
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during
show examples
this
transition as well. Mostly, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals are not able to see any
hopes
Fix the agreement mistake
hope
show examples
for their future in their own home
country
, they decide to
move
abroad
for exploring
Change preposition
to explore
show examples
more job opportunities and career options.
Secondly
, they get vast experience and quality of
life
in the developed countries. There they are able to support their own selves
along with
their
families
because they get enough
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
opportunities and
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
wages as well.
Thirdly
, they get exposure to vast culture and
life
experiences which helps them a lot throughout their
life
. So, most of the
peoplen
Correct your spelling
people
choose to settle down
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad as they are able to make a bright future for their own selves and for their
families
as well.
However
, if we look
the
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at the
show examples
other side,
children
of those
families
who
move
abroad face
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
of challenges.
Firstly
they find it difficult to adapt
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
new routines and new culture of the
country
. It takes a lot of time
ton
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
learn those things again from starting when they start their
life
in a new
country
.
Secondly
, they feel out of space as they join a new school or college in a
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign
country
and it becomes hard for them to make good friends and connections. Sometimes they get bullied by
children
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
new
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
.
Thirdly
, the language barrier is
also
there so it gets hard for them to communicate with people as well at new
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
. Because of
such
reasons, it gets very difficult for the
children
to settle down and adapt
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
changes. In my
openion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, it is good that
families
think about the future and decide to
move
but they should equally pay attention towards their wards so that they can support them whenever they feel demotivated.
Submitted by sharngadhra53 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your thoughts better for smoother transitions between ideas. Use more linking phrases like 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' or 'On the other hand' to improve flow.
task achievement
Try to deepen the analysis of both views. Don't just state them. Go into more detail about why these views are held and consider potential counter-arguments or limitations.
task achievement
Pay attention to spelling and grammar. There are some minor errors like 'folks,' 'foriegn,' 'peoplen,' and 'openion.' Polishing these can make the essay more professional and easier to read.
coherence cohesion
Good job on having a clear introduction and conclusion. This helps frame your essay well.
task achievement
You covered both sides of the argument and provided reasons for each. This shows a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally easy to follow and the main ideas are clear. This shows a good level of coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • adaptability
  • cultural awareness
  • disruption
  • educational systems
  • emotional well-being
  • broaden perspectives
  • open-minded
  • personal growth
  • instability
  • rootlessness
  • sense of belonging
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