IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today more and more tourist are visiting places where conditions difficult such as sahara deseret or the antartic .what are the benefits and disadvantages for tourist who visit such places?

#tourist #places #conditions #sahara #deseret #antartic #visit
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Nowadays, many visitors are opting for
excursion
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excursions
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 in harsh and mobile
places
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 like
deserets
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deserts
desserts
 and extremely cold areas like the
Antartic
Correct your spelling
Antarctic
.
This
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 trend has many pros
as well as
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 cons and
this
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 essay will try to delve into both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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aspects.
To begin
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 with, first and foremost,
benefit
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the benefit
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 of visiting
such
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 remote
places
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, it offers
unique
Correct article usage
a unique
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experience
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 and adventure to the travellers. In fact,
visit
Correct subject-verb agreement
visits
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 to
such
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places
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enables
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enable
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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 to
experience
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, how harsh
the
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apply
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mother nature could be at these extreme
places
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 and at the same time it
add
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adds
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on into
Change preposition
to
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 their knowledge.
Secondly
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, it offers a chance to learn about the unique ecosystems and cultures. As a matter of fact, learning about the natives and
wild life
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wildlife
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 of that place can enrich the understanding of how
people
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 have lived there. To illustrate, a few schools in the US organise educational trips to the North Pole, in order to, give
first hand
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first-hand
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experience
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 to the students.
Thus
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, travel to remote
places
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add
Change the verb form
adds
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on
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apply
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to the knowledge and adventure of the travellers.
On the other hand
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, a few drawbacks of
such
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 trips,
first,
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environment
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environmental
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 conditions are very harsh and potentially dangerous for inexperienced visitors. To elaborate, the masses who do not have prior
experience
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 of
such
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 areas, usually,
finds
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find
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 it difficult to stay and enjoy because of the extreme weather conditions.
Finally
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,
such
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 visits have environmental impacts and
it
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they
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raises
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raise
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the
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apply
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preservation concerns. Undeniably, if more
people
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 come and stay at these
places
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, there will be
long term
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long-term
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 deteriorating effects on the flora and fauna of that place.
For example
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, more
montaineers
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mountaineers
 are visiting
the
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apply
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Mount Everest and it is harming the ecosystem and
wild life
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wildlife
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 in the area.
Hence
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, potential health issues and harm to
the
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apply
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mother nature are the primary disadvantages.
To sum up
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,
people
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 who love adventure and those who want to learn about the
places
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 are greatly benefitted but it has negative impacts on human health and on
natural
Correct article usage
the natural
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 ecosystem of that place.
Submitted by mrsdns on

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Language
Try to proofread your essay for small grammatical errors and typos (e.g., 'deserets' should be 'deserts', 'add on' should be 'adds on').
Coherence
You could improve your coherence by ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly from one idea to the next. Consider using more transitional words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
Task Achievement
Make sure to fully develop your main points with additional details and explanations. While you have relevant examples, elaborating a bit more could make your arguments stronger.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and sets up the structure of the essay.
Task Achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, which adds credibility to your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the topic in a concise manner.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adventure tourism
  • ecosystem
  • endurance
  • logistical
  • biodiversity
  • sustainable
  • remote
  • extreme conditions
  • cultural heritage
  • off the beaten path
What to do next:
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