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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Air transport is increasingly used to export fruit and vegetables to countries where they cannot be grown or are out of season. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

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Fresh yields
is
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are
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 increasingly being transported by air to other
countries
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 that cannot grow them on their own or are out of season. The advantages are that people can consume these all year and some
countries
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 only rely on imported
food
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 for their livelihood.
However
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, the disadvantages are that they cause pollution and encourage harmful ways of cultivation. One benefit of importing fruits and vegetables is that a wide range of products is available year-round. Some
countries
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 are only able to produce a certain crop in a specific season, without the imports, they will not be able to consume their
food
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 throughout the year.
Moreover
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, imported produce helps
countries
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 with a harsher climate to sustain life.
This
Linking Words
 is because their harsh climate prevents
food
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 from being grown.
For instance
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, Qatar is mostly desert and relies heavily on other states for
food
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 imports.
On the other hand
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, frequent air transportation has
detrimental
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a detrimental
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 effect on the environment as they require more fossil fuels to be burned.
As a result
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, more harmful gases are released
in
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into
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atmosphere
Correct article usage
the atmosphere
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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further
Linking Words
 leads to an uptick in pollution.
Additionally
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, as the demand increases from the outside, pressure on farmers to speed up farming
also
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 builds up.
Hence
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, in order to meet the demand, chemical fertilizers are used to accelerate the production. These have negative effects on an individual's health if consumed
over-time
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over time
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 in the long run .
For example
Linking Words
, to meet the demands
of
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for
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 rice by the
western
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Western
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countries
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, Indian farmers are using harmful chemical pesticides and products to ensure that the crops grow faster than usual. In conclusion,
while
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 the benefits of exporting produce
is
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are
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 that it allows people to eat a wide variety of fresh fruits and vegetables
througout
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throughout
 the year and important for some
countries
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 to survive, the downside is that it comes with a cost to
environment
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the environment
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 and changes good farming methods.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance your logical structure, ensure that every paragraph has a clear topic sentence that connects directly to your thesis statement. Additionally, consider using transitional phrases to better link your points and make your essay flow more smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure your introduction clearly states the main idea and the scope of your essay. It's beneficial to briefly mention the main points you will discuss. Your conclusion should succinctly summarize the main arguments you've presented without introducing new information.
supported main points
To improve the support of your main points, expand on the examples you provide to better illustrate your arguments. This will strengthen the connections between your points and the topic, making your argumentation more robust.
complete response
Make sure to directly address all parts of the task and provide a clear, balanced analysis of both advantages and disadvantages. It would be beneficial to further elaborate on each point to ensure a thorough examination and developed explanations.
clear comprehensive ideas
Use precise and diverse vocabulary to express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Avoid repetition and vary your sentence structures to keep your writing engaging and clear.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate specific and relevant examples to back up each of your main points. This can enhance the clarity of your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Your essay showcases a clear understanding of the task and presents a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of air transport for exporting fruits and vegetables.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with distinct paragraphs for each of your main points, making it easy to follow your arguments.
supported main points
You have effectively supported your main points with specific examples, which adds credibility to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • export
  • import
  • perishable goods
  • carbon footprint
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • supply chain disruptions
  • economic benefits
  • culinary experiences
  • broader market
  • local produce
  • agricultural industries
  • external sources
  • competition
  • outcompete
  • vulnerable
  • high costs
  • freshness
  • accessibility
  • out of season
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