Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
It is believed that raising the
cost
of sugary products
can reduce the global demand for these kinds of products
as food and drinks contained
Change the form of the verb
containing
sugar
can lead to several series health
conditions. I completely disagree with this
notion for various reasons, which will be discussed in this
essay.
Sugar
is an important part of everyone's diet and it has so many fans all over the world. In other words
, sugar
has become a part of our life
over time. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Therefore
, by raising the sweet items' price, most of
people still may not avoid consuming Change preposition
apply
sugar
. Moreover
, the high cost
of sugary products
turns them into luxury products
, which
only families with financial difficulties may stop purchasing these sweet Correct word choice
and
products
, while
wealthier families still can afford them. Finally
, other products
may become more expensive worldwide, following the increasing the
Correct article usage
apply
cost
of sugar
to set up a balance in international
market.
There are more effective solutions to address the problem of consuming so much Add an article
the international
sugar
by individuals. The demand for unhealthy foods such
as sugary items can be controlled by raising the
public awareness about the Correct article usage
apply
health
risks of using sugar
. For example
, the health
problems caused by manufactured sugary foods and drinks should be explained and described in national TV channels or public booklets. Additionally
, the government should establish initiatives to inform school students about the high risk of eating foods with a high amount of sugar
from an early age. This
can be done by publishing a compulsory specific book about numerous health
conditions occurred
after using Correct pronoun usage
that occurred
sugar
for primary school students.
In conclusion, the high cost
of sugar
globally cannot reduce Correct article usage
the demands
demands
for it. Other beneficial actions can be done to tackle Fix the agreement mistake
demand
this
issue, such
as educating people about what health
problems consuming sugar
can cause over time.Submitted by ava.saljoughi on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
To improve cohesion, use a wider range of cohesive devices and ensure a smoother flow between the points. Focus on the transition between paragraphs and ideas for better readability.
task achievement
To strengthen the task achievement, incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic and provide a more compelling argument.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task with clear and comprehensive ideas. You have clearly stated your stance and provided reasons to support it, which is good for achieving a higher task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and neatly encapsulate the overall arguments. This helps in maintaining the logical structure of the essay.