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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne,Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne,Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevant.
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line chart illustrates the proportion of individuals, who contributed to four activities at a social centre in Melbourne, Australia for twenty years.
Overall
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, as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
shown from the graph, the Film club
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the highest activity,
while
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 the musical performances
the
Add a missing verb
had the
show examples
 least, until the beginning of 2015, the drama activity became the least among them.
According to
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 the line chart, in the first 4 years, both the table tennis and Amateur dramatics activities witnessed an increase in the number of contributors, reaching approximately 20 and 29 people, respectively in 2005.
On the other hand
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, Martial arts and Film club activities decreased. Music activity did not appear in the first 4 years.In 2010 both Amateur dramatics and Table tennis met at the same rate by 20 people
whereas
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 Musical performance
also
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 increased to around 10.The year 2010 was the
last
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 year of decline for the Film Club with 60 participants. There was a sharp increase in Table tennis from 2010 to 2020 with 50 participants,
however
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, theatre declined sharply to around 5 person

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
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