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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many families move to different countries. Some people think children can benefit from this, while others consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. Discuss both views and your opinion.

#families #move #countries #people #children #benefit #country
The number of people who immigrated to other countries has been increasing.Some people consider that unemployment triggers them to abandon their birthplace,
while
 others claim that abroad can ensure their children’s well-being.
Although
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 country can give opportunities for
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
show examples
 development, the outcome of facing
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 environment can be detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
show examples
 mindset.
To begin
 with,mainly moving to other places can assist children to flourish and improve their knowledge
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 foreign languages.
This
 type of difficulty can arouse
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
confidence and create readiness.
Also
,with the assistance of changing surrounding children’s viewpoint can fully change.
For example
,witnessing a new lifestyle and stereotypes can help them to implement their dreams relating to study and find the sphere
Change preposition
in that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 they want to deepen
knowledge
Correct pronoun usage
their knowledge
show examples
.
As a result
,immigrating to
other place
Change the wording
another place
other places
show examples
 can create more opportunities and open many doors in front of their career path.
Along with
this
 aspect,
this
 transformation can
object
Verb problem
lead to
show examples
 controversial
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 like causing distress and losing themselves in a new environment.Especially
this
 change can be a threat
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 vulnerable children who have difficulty
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
coping with stress and disposition
to
Change preposition
toward
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
.
For example
,introverted children can be afraid of displaying themselves in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and can become isolated.
Moreover
,they can hardly deal with new languages not having certain skills and determination to join companies,which in
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
turn will lead to negative shaping of character.
To sum up
,it mainly depends on
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 and the reaction of their brain in a new environment.Having to
be adapted
Wrong verb form
adapt
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a strange place among unknown people can assist them to be ready in facing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems.
Submitted by inessanazaryan1 on

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grammar
Try to avoid small grammatical errors and awkward phrases. For instance, 'can assist children to flourish' could be more smoothly written as 'can assist children in flourishing' and 'having to be adapted' could be 'having to adapt.'
task response
While the essay discusses both sides of the argument, improving the depth and clarity of your arguments could help upgrade your score. For instance, provide more nuanced points or reflect on counterarguments.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using transition words or phrases appropriately can guide the reader through your essay more smoothly.
content
The essay offers balanced viewpoints about the benefits and drawbacks of children moving to a foreign country.
examples
Good use of examples to illustrate points, such as how a new lifestyle can help children find their career paths and how introverted children may struggle.
structure
Clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the discussion points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • adaptability
  • cultural awareness
  • disruption
  • educational systems
  • emotional well-being
  • broaden perspectives
  • open-minded
  • personal growth
  • instability
  • rootlessness
  • sense of belonging
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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