IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Houses are essential for people. Some people think that the government should offer free houses for people who cannot afford to pay for it. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#houses #people #government #offer #afford
In modern
society
Add a comma
society,
show examples
 the
people
's rights are of most importance.Some
people
 consider that the
government
 should provide free accommodations for
people
 who are unable to provide
shelters
Fix the agreement mistake
shelter
show examples
 for themselves.
However
,there are many less developed countries that cannot afford houses for each habitat. On the one hand,with the assistance of the
government
,
people
 who suffer from the problem of housing can have temporary support and gradually stand on their feet. For these
people
such
attitude
Correct article usage
an attitude
show examples
 can be paramount as the hope of being supported can be a driving force to ensure
resilient
Correct article usage
a resilient
show examples
 nation.
For instance
,in many cases for unemployed individuals having
this
 type of reliance can lead to ignoring house and other cares relating to rent and
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrating
show examples
 on hard
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 and
prospering
Replace the word
prosperity
show examples
.
As a result
,for each
government
 is essential to provide conditions and prosperity.
On the other hand
,poor countries providing commodities by the
government
 can result in suffering
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the economy.There can not be enough resources
for ensuring
Change preposition
to ensure
show examples
 others
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
advent with some assistance.
For example
,some
country's
Fix the agreement mistake
countries'
show examples
 management can not provide
people’s
Change preposition
people with
show examples
 free facilities because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of budget and weak infrastructure.
Consequently
,
To sum up
,In
this
 sphere of development the
government
's gift given to them can fully change their lifestyle.
Submitted by inessanazaryan1 on

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task response
The essay addresses the task but could be more comprehensive. Try to extend the discussion about the reasons for and against government-provided housing, and consider adding more specific examples and evidence.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure transition phrases are used to maintain coherence. Some areas of the essay feel disjointed. Improve your logical structure by using more clear topic sentences and ensuring each paragraph flows naturally to the next.
coherence and cohesion
A stronger conclusion would summarize the arguments more effectively and provide a clear stance. Current conclusion is somewhat abrupt and underdeveloped.
task response
The essay introduces both sides of the argument, acknowledging the potential benefits and drawbacks of government-provided housing.
task response
Some good examples demonstrate the points, such as the mention of unemployed individuals and poor country economies.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and attempts to conclude the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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