Being a celebrity– such as a film star or singer – brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

It is an undeniable fact that celebrities
plays
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play
show examples
paramount
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a paramount
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role . Being a star or
sport
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sports
show examples
personality provides both sides of benefits
as well as
disadvantages . I intend to discuss both . To commence , Being a
well known
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well-known
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personality is not
a
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an
show examples
easy task but it is more
enjoyabale
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enjoyable
. They have
variety
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a variety
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of
oppertunties
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opportunities
related to business as they commute
different
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to different
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countries so it is easy for them to get
job
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a job
the job
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.
However
, whenever they go outside
every one
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everyone
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give
Verb problem
pays
show examples
attention
toward
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to
show examples
them meanwhile they can make friends easily which
open
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opens
show examples
the door for them to do anything
such
as open a new business .Most of the
people
like to visit their showrooms . They will have various
connection
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connections
show examples
which will be very beneficial to them in future .
For instance
, one of the renowned
acterss
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actors
Katrina
kaif
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Kaif
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had
Verb problem
apply
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open
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opened
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the
Correct article usage
a
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business related to beauty
product
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products
show examples
which is burgeoning day by day and most
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
like to purchase beauty products from her showroom and online . Most
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
rely on famous
people
more than normal sellers
beacuse
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because
they think that all the stuff and products are better . On the flip side, There are some drawbacks
also
. They
loose
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lose
show examples
their privacy and face
plethora
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a plethora
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of
tribulation
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tribulations
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.
furthermore
, They have to
updated
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update
show examples
all the time and
exposed
Wrong verb form
expose
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things . they have
also
less free time for their family members .
Some times
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Sometimes
show examples
they have to work under pressure to keep popularity
to
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apply
show examples
live
on
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apply
show examples
. ,
this
usally
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usually
develop
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develops
show examples
mental problems
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
most cases. In conclusion , It can be said that every coin has two sides so there are more benefits for celebrities ,
such
as a luxurious lifestyle and many more but
some time
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sometimes
show examples
they face problems.
Submitted by simran17895 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. Further, sentences within each paragraph should logically follow from one another. For example, elaborate more on each point to make the connection clearer.
task achievement
Enhance your task response by providing a more balanced analysis of both the benefits and drawbacks. Include more detailed examples or statistics to support your arguments.
grammar vocabulary
Make sure to address grammatical errors and use more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. This will strengthen the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the argument.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples, such as mentioning Katrina Kaif's beauty business, which supports your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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