Being a celebrity– such as a film star or singer – brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?
It is an undeniable fact that celebrities
plays
Change the verb form
play
paramount
role . Being a star or Add an article
a paramount
sport
personality provides both sides of benefits Change the noun form
sports
as well as
disadvantages . I intend to discuss both .
To commence , Being a well known
personality is not Add a hyphen
well-known
a
easy task but it is more Change the article
an
enjoyabale
. They have Correct your spelling
enjoyable
variety
of Add an article
a variety
oppertunties
related to business as they commute Correct your spelling
opportunities
different
countries so it is easy for them to get Change preposition
to different
job
. Add an article
a job
the job
However
, whenever they go outside every one
Correct your spelling
everyone
give
attention Verb problem
pays
toward
them meanwhile they can make friends easily which Change preposition
to
open
the door for them to do anything Correct subject-verb agreement
opens
such
as open a new business .Most of the people
like to visit their showrooms . They will have various connection
which will be very beneficial to them in future . Fix the agreement mistake
connections
For instance
, one of the renowned acterss
Katrina Correct your spelling
actors
kaif
Capitalize word
Kaif
had
Verb problem
apply
open
Replace the word
opened
the
business related to beauty Correct article usage
a
product
which is burgeoning day by day and most Fix the agreement mistake
products
of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
like to purchase beauty products from her showroom and online . Most of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
rely on famous people
more than normal sellers beacuse
they think that all the stuff and products are better .
On the flip side, There are some drawbacks Correct your spelling
because
also
. They loose
their privacy and face Replace the word
lose
plethora
of Add an article
a plethora
tribulation
. Fix the agreement mistake
tribulations
furthermore
, They have to updated
all the time and Change the form of the verb
update
exposed
things . they have Wrong verb form
expose
also
less free time for their family members . Some times
they have to work under pressure to keep popularity Correct your spelling
Sometimes
to
liveFix the infinitive
apply
on
. ,Change preposition
apply
this
usally
Correct your spelling
usually
develop
mental problems Change the verb form
develops
is
most cases.
In conclusion , It can be said that every coin has two sides so there are more benefits for celebrities , Correct your spelling
in
such
as a luxurious lifestyle and many more but some time
they face problems.Replace the word
sometimes
Submitted by simran17895 on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. Further, sentences within each paragraph should logically follow from one another. For example, elaborate more on each point to make the connection clearer.
task achievement
Enhance your task response by providing a more balanced analysis of both the benefits and drawbacks. Include more detailed examples or statistics to support your arguments.
grammar vocabulary
Make sure to address grammatical errors and use more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. This will strengthen the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the argument.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples, such as mentioning Katrina Kaif's beauty business, which supports your points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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