IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagram shows the process of manufacturing bottled and canned water. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The diagram shows the process of manufacturing bottled and canned water. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#process #water #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The map diagram above depicts the process of mineral
Use synonyms
water's
Change noun form
water
show examples
 production in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bottles and cans. At
first,
Linking Words
the
stage
Use synonyms
 name is
water
Use synonyms
 cleaning. At
this
Linking Words
 step, the raw material of
water
Use synonyms
 will be cleaned. After that, it will be entered
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 softeners and chemicals. As soon as, it will be pumped.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stage
Use synonyms
 two is heating evaporation and carbonation. After the
water
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been cleaned, the
water
Use synonyms
 will be processed in electric heaters.
Then
Linking Words
, the pipe will cool it and mix with carbon dioxide.
Next,
Linking Words
the
water
Use synonyms
 will be distributed to
mixing
Correct article usage
the mixing
show examples
 tank
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
carbonated
water
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
stage
Use synonyms
 three is mixing. There will be a mixing tank
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which contains three tools,
such
Linking Words
 as colouring, syrup, and flavour. Immediately, it will be filtered and the stages of manufacturing
have been
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
 done. The two
last
Linking Words
Use synonyms
stage
Change to a plural noun
stages
show examples
 are filtering and filling
also
Linking Words
 packaging. At
stage
Use synonyms
 four, the
water
Use synonyms
 will be separated into bottles or cans in different boxes.
Finally
Linking Words
, the boxes will be delivered to supermarkets.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, stage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • raw material sourcing
  • filtration
  • purification
  • bottling
  • canning
  • packaging
  • quality control
  • distribution
  • environmental considerations
  • process flow
  • manufacture
  • treatment
  • final product
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