IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The two pie charts give information on the propotion of males and females in employment in six general categories in 1992, they divided into manual and non-manual. Manual occupation includes Craft or similar, General labourers and other manua

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These
two
Use synonyms
 pie charts are divided based on the sex of the employee. Both pies are split into
two
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 different portions of categories - manual and non-manual. These
two
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 categories are
also
Linking Words
 divided into different types of works. Abstractly, these
two
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 charts demonstrate the
work
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 held by a male or female in 1992. Female workers in 1992 were preferring non-manual
work
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 as the percentage was 69% of the total employment.
In contrast
Linking Words
, male workers were somehow in the middle of choosing the type of
work
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 as the percentage was around 52% for manual
work
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. Males with non-manual
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
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 tend to
work
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 in managerial
atmosphere
Fix the agreement mistake
atmospheres
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 with a rate of 36% of the total manual, and non-manual
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
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,
whereas
Linking Words
, the percentage of professional
work
Use synonyms
 done by females was 29% of the
overall
Linking Words
 occupation proportions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, men did craft jobs
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 an intensive rate which took 24%, and only 2% for general labour.
However
Linking Words
, women who worked in craft were very low compared to men with a rate of 3%, and the general labour for females only formed 1%. For both males
,
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apply
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 and females, other manual occupations took
around
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up around
show examples
 26%-27%
from
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of
show examples
 the whole occupations list.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words two, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "divided" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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