IT IS COMMONLY BELIEVE THAT NOWADAYS MAIN FACTOR THAT AFFECT A CHILD’S DEVELOPMENT ARE MEDIA,POP CULTURE AND FRIENDS.A DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW IS THAT FAMILY PLAYS THE MOST SIGNIFICANT ROLE.DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION
In modern days, some people believe that media, pop culture and
friends
are often regarded as major factors influencing children
's development
, while
others would
believe that the family plays a more significant role. Verb problem
apply
This
paper aims to discuss which side of the contrasting views plays a bigger role in a child
's development
, as well as
giving
some personal opinions.
Most Wrong verb form
give
children
would
spend the majority of their personal Verb problem
apply
time
at home, where they will inevitably interact with their family members including parents and siblings. According to
a team of researchers at the University of London interviewing 300 adults regarding their youth, more than two-thirds of the respondents reported that their personalities were predominantly shaped by their family members as they taught and spent time
with them, this
demonstrates the vital influence that a child
's family may have on their future development
.
While
the importance of families has been demonstrated above, a survey conducted by the Seoul National University shows a different picture. With over 10000 year 7 students reporting that they spent 10 hours outside their homes to attend school, tutoring and extra-curricular activities, it is clear that
children
nowadays are spending more time
with their peers than their family members. As friends
often share values, interests
and are driven by Correct word choice
and interests
pop-culture
, I am convinced that Correct your spelling
pop culture
such
factors are inevitably influencing children
's development
.
Furthermore
, as digital technology has become more advanced, more and more children
relied
on their gadgets and smartphones, with authorities from countries like China and the United Kingdom Wrong verb form
rely
are
considering limiting the Unnecessary verb
apply
time
a child
can use their mobile device
. I believe that a reason for Fix the agreement mistake
devices
such
restriction to be imposed was the overwhelming amount of information being exposed to a child
who are addicted to digital devices, and often this
information is believed to be harmful to children
's development
and is difficult to be censored
.
Despite the trend above, adults play a critical part in controlling what factors can influence Wrong verb form
censor
children
's development
. While
parents could spend more time
and care in their children
's life
, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
on the other hand
, teachers should monitor children
's interaction with their friends
and provide support to nourish children
's positive development
.
All in all, the prevalence of digital technology as well as
the increase in time
spent beyond their home, media, pop culture and friends
are aspects influential in children
's development
, while
some of these influences can be negative. With more care and monitoring, I suggest parents and teachers must put an effort to sustain positive development
in children
they are responsible for,
so that they can shine in the future.Remove the comma
apply
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evidence support
It would be beneficial to provide more specific examples and data to support your arguments, especially in the paragraphs discussing the impact of media and pop culture.
idea development
Ensure that all ideas are clearly and fully developed, particularly in relation to the counterarguments. This will help in displaying a balanced discussion.
introduction
Your introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the main points that will be discussed.
organization
The essay has a clear and logical structure, with distinct paragraphs dedicated to different points of view.
language usage
Overall, the language used is clear and appropriate for academic writing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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