IT IS COMMONLY BELIEVE THAT NOWADAYS MAIN FACTOR THAT AFFECT A CHILD’S DEVELOPMENT ARE MEDIA,POP CULTURE AND FRIENDS.A DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW IS THAT FAMILY PLAYS THE MOST SIGNIFICANT ROLE.DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION
In modern days, media, pop culture and
friends
are often regarded as the major factors influencing children
's development
, while
the
others would believe that the family plays a more significant part. Balancing a variety of views and Correct article usage
apply
evidences
, Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
this
paper aims to discuss which side of the contrasting views plays a bigger role on
a Change preposition
in
child
's developments
, Fix the agreement mistake
development
as well as
giving some opinions before giving a conclusion.
Considering the total hours, normal children
would spend the most time
in their home, where they will inevitibly
interact with their family members including parents and siblings. Correct your spelling
inevitably
According to
a team of researchers at the University of London interviewing 300 adults regarding their younger times, more than two-third
of the respondents reported that their personalities were Correct your spelling
two-thirds
perdominantly
shaped by their family members as they taught and spent Correct your spelling
predominantly
time
with them, this
demonstrates the vital ability of a child
's family may bring to their development
for the future.
While
the importance of families has shown
above, a survey conducted Add a missing verb
been shown
from
the Seoul National University would show a different picture. With over 10000 year 7 students Change preposition
by
responded
that they spent 10 hours Correct pronoun usage
who responded
ouside
their homes to attend school, tutoring and extra-curricular activities, Correct your spelling
outside
it is clear that
children
nowadays are spending more time
with their peers than their family members. As friends
often share values, interests
and Correct word choice
and interests
Add a missing verb
are infulenced
infulenced
by Correct your spelling
influenced
pop-cultures
, Correct your spelling
pop cultures
such
factors are putting
a more inevitable influence on Verb problem
having
children
's development
.
Furthermore
as digital Add a comma
Furthermore,
tenology
Correct your spelling
technology
became
more advanced, more and more Wrong verb form
becomes
children
relied
on their gadgets and smartphones, with authorities from countries like China and the United Kingdom Wrong verb form
rely
are
considering Unnecessary verb
apply
to limit
the Change the verb form
limiting
time
a child
can use their mobile devices. One reason for such
limits to be imposed was the overwhelming amount of information being exposed to a child
who are addicted to digital devices, and often these
information displayed Correct determiner usage
the
are
believed to be harmful to Correct subject-verb agreement
is
children
's development
and difficult to be censored
.
Responding Wrong verb form
censor
the
trend above, adults Change preposition
to the
plays
a critical part in controlling what factors can influence Change the verb form
play
children
's developments
. Fix the agreement mistake
development
While
parents could spend more time
and
caring Correct word choice
apply
in
Change preposition
for
children
's life
, teachers should monitor Fix the agreement mistake
lives
children
's interaction with their friends
and provide support to nourish children
's positive development
on the other hand
.
All in all, the prevalance
of digital technology Correct your spelling
prevalence
as well as
the increase of time
spent beyond their home, media, pop culture and friends
are becoming more influencial
in Correct your spelling
influential
children
's development
, with some of these infulences
Correct your spelling
influences
can be
negative. With more care and monitoring parents and teachers must put inevitable effort Wrong verb form
being
to sustain
positive developments in Change preposition
into sustaining
children
they are responsible in
Change preposition
for
,
so that they can shine in the future.Remove the comma
apply
Submitted by 788seal on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Some ideas can be connected more clearly to improve flow. For example, more overt linking phrases between ideas can be used.
task achievement
While the essay addresses both views, it can benefit from more detail and depth in discussing how each factor impacts child development. Consider expanding upon the explanation of how media and friends affect children with specific examples or studies.
task achievement
To elevate your argument, it is essential to drill down on specific points rather than general statements. For instance, delve deeper into how pop culture influences values or behaviors specifically.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, provide concrete examples of how families influence children alongside the survey data. This will add more weight to your argument.
task achievement
The essay successfully discusses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets up the discussion well, clearly presenting the contrasting views.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear personal opinion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.