The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia fro the period 2000 to 2020.

#information #numbers #participants #activities #centre #melbourne #australia #period

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The data on the variety of participants for five different activities

such

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as film club, martial arts,

amateur

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dramatics

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table

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tennis

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and musical performances at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia in a period range between 2000 and 2020 by the line graph.

Overall

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, what stands out from the line chart is that the number of visitors to the film club was the highest over

this

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twenty-year period. In detail, in 2000 martial arts were the second highest with nearly 35

people

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then

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the third was the

amateur

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dramatics

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with approximately 25

people

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Furthermore

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, the

last

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two activities with the number of participants were

table

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tennis

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and musical performances with roughly 15 and 0

people

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, respectively.

Then

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, in 2010 the variety of

peoplewho

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people who

visited

amateur

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dramatics

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and

table

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tennis

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were

Change the verb form

was

show examples

the same with about 20

people

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. Regarding the changes in 2020, the statistics showed that the results were not similar. The second highest number of

people

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was

table

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tennis

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with about 55

people

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and after that martial arts were the third highest and remained with nearly 40

people

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Finally

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, musical performances and

amateur

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dramatics

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were the

last

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this

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list with roughly 20 and 8 visitors, respectively.

Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on Mon Sep 16 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.

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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.

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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words amateur, dramatics, table, tennis, people with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 4 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

7 paragraphs

197 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

participants
social centre
comparison
trends
consistently popular
gained popularity
lost popularity
community interest
availability of facilities
social factors
economic factors
external events
economic downturns
health crises
demographic changes
aging population
marketing
community outreach programs
participation rates
Melbourne

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The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia fro the period 2000 to 2020.

in the modern world it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via the internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Show advantage and disadvantage

Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their family, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree?

It is not necessary for people to travel to other places to learn about the culture.We can learn as much as from books, films, and the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some people say in order to prevent illness and diseases, government should focus on reducing environment pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree.