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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart beow shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013.

The chart beow shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013.
The following bar chart illustrates how often American
people
Use synonyms
 had fast
food
Use synonyms
 in three years
of
Change preposition
apply
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2003, 2006 and 2013. The frequencies are divided into 6 categories, starting with "Daily" and ending with "Never". At first glance, it is evident that the everyday users of fast
food
Use synonyms
 were as rare as users who never had fast
food
Use synonyms
in
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apply
show examples
during these three years. Another interesting point is that generally, the lion's share of
people
Use synonyms
 allocated only once a week and once or twice a month to eat fast
food
Use synonyms
 in 2003, 2006 and 2013. Looking at details, the percentage of citizens
consumed
Correct pronoun usage
who consumed
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 junk
food
Use synonyms
 every day and never
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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5% and less than 5%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 eating several times a week
were
Change the verb form
was
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 higher in 2006, compared to 2003 and 2013. Fast
food
Use synonyms
 fans who had it once a week were slightly higher in 2006 than in 2003 and 2013.
In addition
Linking Words
, only a quarter of
people
Use synonyms
 ate fast
food
Use synonyms
 once or twice a month in 2006, as opposed to in 2003 and 2013 with 30% and more than 30%, respectively.
Finally
Linking Words
, 15% of
people
Use synonyms
 ate fast
food
Use synonyms
 a few times a year in both 2006 and 2013, and less than 15% of them tend to
had
Change the verb
have
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this
Linking Words
 frequency
for
Change preposition
in
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 their eating
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
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.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, food with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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