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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eating too much. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eating too much. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
show
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 proportion
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 essential meals among three types of nutrients, saturated fat,
sodium
Use synonyms
 and added sugars. All
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 these nutrients Could lead to
harm
Replace the word
harmful
show examples
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 if eaten too much
Overall
Linking Words
, it is readily noticeable that
Correct article usage
the united
show examples
united
Capitalize word
United
show examples
state
Replace the word
States
show examples
 population consume triple
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of added sugars in their
snacks
Use synonyms
 than
sodium
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they prefer to
adding
Wrong verb form
add
show examples
 vast
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their dinner.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart,
vast
Correct article usage
a vast
show examples
 number of residents
consuming
Wrong verb form
consume
show examples
Change the article
the
show examples
same percentage of
sodium
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
breakfast
Use synonyms
 and
snacks
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, they are doubling it in their lunch
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 tripling on their dinner. Add
to
Correct pronoun usage
to this
show examples
, the dinner represents a nearly third of all saturated fat.
Breakfast
Use synonyms
 usually being the least meal that
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
 saturated fat by roughly 16%.
Commensurate
Correct article usage
A commensurate
show examples
 proportion seen
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
breakfast
Use synonyms
 and
snacks
Use synonyms
 that have saturated fat
approximately
Add a missing verb
is approximately
show examples
 between 21-26%.
Comparison
Change preposition
In comparison
show examples
 with added sugar lunch and
breakfast
Use synonyms
 were
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 of the most of
survey
Correct article usage
the survey
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with statics around 20%. And their consumption climbs to just under half on their
snacks
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, snacks, breakfast with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average percentage
  • nutrients
  • sodium
  • saturated fat
  • added sugars
  • typical meals
  • breakfast
  • lunch
  • dinner
  • snacks
  • consumption
  • excess
  • health implications
  • comparison
  • trend
  • pattern
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