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Writing Samples
Band 5

With the development of social media, more and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised to the internet in order to meet and chat with friends, which can lead to potentially dangerous situations. What solutions can you suggest to deal with this problem?

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Currently, there is an increasing number of adolescents who are able to meet and chat with friends online in an unsupervised way, and it could lead to potentially dangerous problems.
Parents
Use synonyms
 monitoring and
well developed
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well-developed
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Internet
Use synonyms
 chatting environment could deal with
this
Linking Words
problem
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.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 chatting online is a way for
teenagers
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 to make friends, especially for introverts.
However
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, most
of
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apply
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youngsters do not have critical thinking and awareness of privacy and security.
Internet
Use synonyms
offer
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offers
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 the condition for people to hide their real personal information, so that scammers could find out
teenagers
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 and make up their profiles to pretend to be peers with
teenagers
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 online, and
teenagers
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 could be cheated by scammers easily.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
Internet
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 is a virtual environment,
teenagers
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 would idealize
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online
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relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 and they would invest a lot of
time
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 to deal with online social and online friendships. Family plays a significant role in dealing with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online
relationship
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 problems.
Parents
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 could set screen usage
timer
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timers
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 for their
child
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children
show examples
 and control their screen
time
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,
this
Linking Words
 could ensure that teens would not spend too much
time
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 online.
In addition
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,
parents
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 should set an example for them,
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 they are role
model
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models
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of
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for
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 their
child
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children
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.
Moreover
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, parental support is not enough, establishing a variety of social support
system
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systems
show examples
 is another way to deal with the
problem
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. It is crucial to strengthen the
monitor
Replace the word
monitoring
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 of the
Internet
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 chatting system by banning
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negative words and other methods.
Besides
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,
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 support is important too. Teachers could organise more campus activities to build up
students
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student relationships
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relationship
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.
Also
Linking Words
, they could help students to solve the mental problems on
time
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 In conclusion,
teenagers
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 make friends online because they find it difficult to get a healthy
relationship
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 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life. To deal with
this
Linking Words
problem
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, not only comprehensive monitoring systems could solve the
problem
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, but
also
Linking Words
 enough care and conversation from
parents
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 and society are
both
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apply
show examples
important.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points, such as particular instances or studies that illustrate the dangers of unsupervised internet use for teenagers.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clearer logical progression between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have structured the essay well, with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Your response addresses the key points of the prompt, providing solutions and explanations for the proposed issues.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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