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Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #devices #people #age #group #television #canada #two #years #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The pie charts below indicate how millennials utilise their gadgets to watch television in Canada for two particular periods.
Overall
, the most obvious piece of information is conventional TV has mitigated a significant decline in
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of use between the two
timeframe
Change to a plural noun
timeframes
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. In 2009, conventional TV
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
recorded the highest portion of utilisation, at just over one-third (34%) ;
however
Add a comma
however,
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 it
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dropped in 2019 by 30% ( 4%).
Next,
desktop computers
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for 18% of use in 2009 ; but it had plunged by 6% (12%) in 2019.
Moreover
, laptops
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
demonstrated one-fifth (20%) of usage in 2009 ; but the share had dipped to 12% by the year of 2019. Other than that, tablets have shown the lowest practice to watch television in Canada in 2009 which is at 5%
;
Change the punctuation
,
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 but it has dramatically increased by 14 % after a decade.
In addition
, flat-screen
TV has
Correct your spelling
TVs
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 indicated 8% of use in 2009 ;
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the fraction had increased by 19 % after a decade.
Submitted by alisyashazzy on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: The word "indicate" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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