IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010.

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010.
#percentage #women #men #asian #country #test
The charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the portion of both
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 in one Asian country who passed their driving
test
 between 1980 and 2010.
Overall
, both
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 witnessed different
development
Fix the agreement mistake
developments
show examples
 during
these year
Change the determiner
this year
these years
show examples
.
Women
 experienced fluctuations
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 passing the
test
,
whereas
men
 consistently increased before
witnessed
Wrong verb form
witnessing
show examples
 stagnation. During
these year
Change the determiner
this year
these years
show examples
,
women
 who have received their driving
lisence
Correct your spelling
licence
license
 are experienced
fluctuate
Wrong verb form
fluctuating
show examples
 trends. There are
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
 more
women
 who
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
passed the
test
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1980 until 2000.
Women
 reached
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 peak of quantity for around 79%
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 year of
twenty-one
Replace the word
the 21st
show examples
 century.
However
, there are
slightly decreased
Replace the word
slight decrease
show examples
 in them
subsuquently
Correct your spelling
subsequently
. On the other side, steady and stagnation trends are witnessed in
men
.
Men
 experienced
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 trend as
women
 for two decades but the differences are in the first decade. The addition of first decades
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 even
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
higher despite their start points
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 lower.
However
men
 stagnant on quantity of
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 who passed the
test
 in the next decades by around 49%.
Submitted by auzarinawukirasih19 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words test, women, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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