IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about how people aged 25-34 are housed in the UK. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting on the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The chart below gives information about how people aged 25-34 are housed in the UK. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting on the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#information #people #uk #summarise #features #comparisons
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The bar
chart
Use synonyms
 demonstrates that
what’s
Unnecessary verb
what
show examples
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation which are between 25 and 34 are housed in the UK. The graph shows that young
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 who own
home
Correct article usage
a home
show examples
 for themselves
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 decreasing slightly during
this
Linking Words
 period.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, persons
whom
Change the pronoun
who
show examples
renting
Wrong verb form
rent
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 house is increasing steadily. The
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates that the number of young
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 who have
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 for themselves is decreasing moderately from just under 60 percent in 2004 to
approximate
Change the word
approximately
show examples
 36% in 2014.
Although
Linking Words
 in
overall
Linking Words
chart
Use synonyms
 has
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
 manner
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it has a very small increase in 2007 and
reach
Change the verb form
reaches
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost 56% from just under 55% in 2006.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
chart
Use synonyms
 shows that the
young
Correct quantifier usage
number of young
show examples
 humans that prefer to rent a house
is increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 substantially from almost 20% in 2004 to just under 50% in 2014.
Also
Linking Words
, the
chart
Use synonyms
 demonstrates that in 2011 and 2012 rate of people in both categories
are
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 almost steady and without any change so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they just
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 at almost 42% for
whom
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 are renters and almost 44%
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
whom are owners. After these years the number of people who are owners
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 increased consistently.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
therefore
Linking Words
, it is easily apparent from
this
Linking Words
chart
Use synonyms
 that these days rental markets
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more active than past and
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generations
are prefer
Change the verb form
prefer
show examples
 to rent a house
instead
Linking Words
 of buy it.
Submitted by mr.sadeghnezhadengineer on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • housing tenure
  • private rental sector
  • homeownership
  • social housing
  • geographical variations
  • urban vs. rural
  • trend analysis
  • percentage
  • significant
  • proportion
  • illustrates
  • noticeable trends
  • comparisons
  • conclude
  • summarize
  • main features
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