The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is an argument that social burden should not be applied to commerces because their main purpose is gaining profit. I personally disagree with

this

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statement

in particular

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for big

companies

Use synonyms

Linking Words

however

Add a comma

however,

show examples

I will elaborate more on

this

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essay.

Firstly

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, businesses need to operate their production by hiring local

labors

Replace the word

labourers

show examples

. As they produce huge

amount

Fix the agreement mistake

amounts

show examples

of money from the

locals'

Change noun form

locals

show examples

area, they need to hire local people to participate as workers in the company. Owing to

this

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, the

companies

Use synonyms

will contribute to

increase

Change the verb form

increasing

show examples

the locals' economic level.

For example

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, in Indonesia, the government applied a policy that

companies

Use synonyms

should hire at least 30% of local people,

Linking Words

otherwise

Add a comma

otherwise,

show examples

they could not afford

Remove the article

apply

show examples

official permission to operate their production in certain areas.

As a result

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, the commerces are not only profit-oriented, but they

also

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help locals to improve their life quality.

Secondly

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, businesses usually utilize local resources in order to generate their practices. As some

companies

Use synonyms

need natural resources,

such

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as land and trees, to make their products, it will affect

Change preposition

apply

show examples

sustainability qualities in the

long-term

Correct your spelling

long term

show examples

Therefore

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, they should aware of the environmental damages that might

be happen

Change the verb form

be happening

show examples

in the future.

For instance

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, a big company called More had a waste processor in order to reduce the garbage from its production. By preparing

this

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technology,

this

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company is not only making money, but it

also

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helps

keeping

Wrong verb form

keep

show examples

the environment clean. In conclusion, commerces

are

Verb problem

show examples

not solely aim to make

profit

Correct article usage

a profit

show examples

in their practices, but they should have social responsibilities in terms of local

labors

Replace the word

labourers

show examples

hiring and providing modern technology to prevent natural

damages

Fix the agreement mistake

damage

show examples

chocolate10 Tue Sep 17 2024

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coherence cohesion

Try to use more varied sentence structures to enhance readability. Currently, some sentences are lengthy and could be simplified for better clarity.

task achievement

Enhance the sophistication of your vocabulary to convey your ideas more precisely and academically.

task achievement

You have clearly stated your position on the topic, which is essential for task achievement.

task achievement

You have included specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical flow, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear starting and ending point for your arguments.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

profit maximization
economic development
Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
shareholders
moral obligation
reputation
customer loyalty
sustainable business models
accountability
ethical practices
regulations
consumer expectations
economic sustainability
stakeholders
social impact

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The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Animal are in danger of extinctions. Some people say we should protect only those animals which are useful to humans. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that testing on animals is necessary for discovering medicine that helps fight diseases, while others believe it is not necessary to test on animals for this reason. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some businesses observe that new employees who just graduated from a college or university seem to lack the interpersonal skills needed for communication with their colleagues. What could be the reason for this? What solutions can help address this problem?

Many people argue that restaurants should be required to disclose the nuritional information of the dishes they serve. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?