The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#priority #businesses #money #responsibilities

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There is an argument that social burden should not be applied to commerces because their main purpose is gaining profit. I personally disagree with

this

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statement

in particular

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for big

companies

Use synonyms

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however

Add a comma

however,

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I will elaborate more on

this

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essay.

Firstly

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, businesses need to operate their production by hiring local

labors

Replace the word

labourers

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. As they produce huge

amount

Fix the agreement mistake

amounts

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of money from the

locals'

Change noun form

locals

show examples

area, they need to hire local people to participate as workers in the company. Owing to

this

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, the

companies

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will contribute to

increase

Change the verb form

increasing

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the locals' economic level.

For example

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, in Indonesia, the government applied a policy that

companies

Use synonyms

should hire at least 30% of local people,

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otherwise

Add a comma

otherwise,

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they could not afford

Remove the article

apply

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official permission to operate their production in certain areas.

As a result

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, the commerces are not only profit-oriented, but they

also

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help locals to improve their life quality.

Secondly

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, businesses usually utilize local resources in order to generate their practices. As some

companies

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need natural resources,

such

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as land and trees, to make their products, it will affect

Change preposition

apply

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sustainability qualities in the

long-term

Correct your spelling

long term

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Therefore

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, they should aware of the environmental damages that might

be happen

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be happening

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in the future.

For instance

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, a big company called More had a waste processor in order to reduce the garbage from its production. By preparing

this

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technology,

this

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company is not only making money, but it

also

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helps

keeping

Wrong verb form

keep

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the environment clean. In conclusion, commerces

are

Verb problem

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not solely aim to make

profit

Correct article usage

a profit

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in their practices, but they should have social responsibilities in terms of local

labors

Replace the word

labourers

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hiring and providing modern technology to prevent natural

damages

Fix the agreement mistake

damage

show examples

Submitted by chocolate10 on Tue Sep 17 2024

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coherence cohesion

Try to use more varied sentence structures to enhance readability. Currently, some sentences are lengthy and could be simplified for better clarity.

task achievement

Enhance the sophistication of your vocabulary to convey your ideas more precisely and academically.

task achievement

You have clearly stated your position on the topic, which is essential for task achievement.

task achievement

You have included specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical flow, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear starting and ending point for your arguments.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

profit maximization
economic development
Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
shareholders
moral obligation
reputation
customer loyalty
sustainable business models
accountability
ethical practices
regulations
consumer expectations
economic sustainability
stakeholders
social impact

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The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

SMore and more transitional companies are setting up their business operations in economically developing nations. In this essay, I will discuss about some benefits and drawbacks of the inhabitants who live in those countries.