The bar chart below shows the percentage e of Australian women and men in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2019. Summarises the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relavent

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The bar chart compares the proportion of females and males in numerous

age

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categories who frequently did exercises in Australia in 2019.

Overall

Linking Words

it is clear that

Linking Words

women

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who did regular physical activity had the highest percentage in all

age

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groups. The figures showed that exercises are popular among

youth

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young

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men

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more than

women

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. Meanwhile, people who are over 65 in both sexes had a similar number. Looking in more detail, males from the 15-24

age

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group were doing workouts more than females, with 52.8% and 47.7%, respectively, which is the highest percentage for

men

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in the chart. The proportions for the 25 to 34 and 35 to 44

age

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groups are similar, as declined for the

men

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with 42.2%,

then

Linking Words

dropped

further

Linking Words

to 39.5%,

while

Linking Words

the figures for

women

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increased, accounting for 48.9%, and rose

further

Linking Words

, reaching 52.5%. The percentage of people who frequently did workouts among ages 45 to 64 was relatively similar, accounting for 53% for

women

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and 43% to 45% for

men

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In contrast

Linking Words

, both genders over 65 years old did

equally

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equal

show examples

physical activities, comprising 47%

Submitted by imaharzm on Tue Sep 17 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, women, men with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

180 words

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The bar chart below shows the percentage e of Australian women and men in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2019. Summarises the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relavent

Nowadays, parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. Is it a positive or negative development?

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that schools should focus more on practical subjects, such as information technology and business skills, while others argue that traditional subjects, like history and literature, are still important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.