IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

"The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?"

#aim #science #people #lives
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There is no doubt that
science
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 is very important in our
life
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 which makes our world better. The desired goal
from
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of
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science
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 is to enhance residents’ lives. To demonstrate, in
this
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essay
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essay,
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 the importance of
science
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 and knowledge will be explained as
i
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I
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 agree with
this
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.
Firstly
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,
science
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 must take the highest priority from people and government as well. To illustrate
this
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 point, more money should be invested in education and facilities where people can learn more about
science
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.
For instance
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, in Singapore, the government put
high
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a high
the high
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 budget
in
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on
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 the education system in 2010 and they get paid now. To make
this
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 point clear, they have one of the strongest
economical
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economic
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 systems in the world and the minimum wage for each person is the highest in the world.
Thus
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, knowledge is
very
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a very
the very
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 crucial thing to get.
Secondly
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, let’s deep dive into the past and look
to
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at
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 our
life
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 in 1990, there weren’t any
smart phones
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smartphones
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 or computers which
make
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made
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 our
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 difficult
comparing
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compared
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 to now. To demonstrate, all our transactions are done online by mobile phone.
Furthermore
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, many devices are made using advanced technology like high-speed processors and all of
this
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 is because of the existence of
science
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.
Moreover
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, people must have the awareness to be disciplined toward
science
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. In conclusion,
to be
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being
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 aware of
science
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 is highly recommended
in
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at
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this
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 time. So, the government must work to make
this
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 happen, which is
very
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a very
the very
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 important thing to do in
this
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life
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. I hope I made everything clear in
this
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 essay.
Submitted by seifhasseb222 on

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coherence
The essay addresses the task, but the clarity could be enhanced by refining the articulation of ideas and arguments. Ensure each paragraph clearly follows from the previous one, maintaining a stronger logical flow.
language
Work on reducing minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases to improve the linguistic polish of the essay. Consider seeking feedback or using tools to catch these issues before final submission.
content development
Expand on your points with more specific examples and detailed explanations to elevate the depth of your arguments. Providing a wider variety of examples can make your points more convincing.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
examples
The examples provided, especially involving Singapore’s education investment and the evolution of technology, are relevant and help to illustrate the points being made.
content understanding
The writer shows awareness of the importance of science and its role in societal progress, which reflects a strong understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
What to do next:
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