The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved?

#people #risk #health #reason #growth #society

Nowadays,

people

are becoming excessive consumers of fast

foods

and ready meals;

this

unhealthy lifestyle causes obesity, and many humans are suffering from health issues more than before. The reasons and solutions for

this

problem will be given in the following paragraphs. As

it is

Verb problem

apply

show examples

mentioned above,

people

, especially those who are living in megacities, are being diagnosed with illnesses

such

blood

Correct word choice

high blood

show examples

pressure and high cholesterol

due to

their fatness. The number of these health problems

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

growing day by day for some reasons;

first,

because of the toxic commercials societies are losing their healthy appetite; nourishing meals and organic

foods

are replaced by processed

foods

so the needed nutrition and

vitamin

Fix the agreement mistake

vitamins

show examples

will not be obtained by

body

Correct article usage

the body

show examples

Second,

daily training is deleted

Change preposition

from

show examples

people

’s daily life since they are working in a

full time

Add a hyphen

full-time

show examples

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

, and they are sitting on their

chair

Fix the agreement mistake

chairs

show examples

all day;

this

action and immovability make them obese. There is a list of solutions for dealing with fatness;

first,

the advertisements which

contains

Change the verb form

contain

show examples

junk

foods

that have food additives should be blocked by authorities, and

instead

Add a comma

instead,

show examples

they have to motivate

people

to have

fresh

Change the adjective

freshly

show examples

produced and homemade meals.

Second,

people

should take regular vigorous exercises and balance their diets; in

this

way, they can control their weight.

Third,

checkup tests like thyroid function and diabetes should be done every year freely, and government have to dedicate a budget for

such

item

Fix the agreement mistake

items

show examples

. In brief, the number of

people

who are diagnosed with incurable illnesses is rising

due to

their unhealthy

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

, and

impacts

Correct article usage

the impacts

show examples

of damaging promotions. Some actions

such

as following fitness programs and annual health consults have to be done to mitigate the number of ailments.

Submitted by shaghayegh95shadman on Wed Sep 18 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Provide more specific examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your arguments and give a clearer picture of the issues discussed.

coherence and cohesion

Work on refining sentence structures and word choices to make your points more compelling and easier to understand.

task response

You have addressed both parts of the question clearly, identifying reasons for the rise in obesity and suggesting viable solutions.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

coherence and cohesion

The use of paragraphs helps to organize your ideas well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

281 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
sedentary
caloric intake
genetics
nutritional awareness
processed foods
fast food
lifestyle diseases
preventative measures
tax incentives
urban planning
community gardens
wellness initiatives
dietary guidelines
physical fitness
calorie-dense
portion control
metabolic rate
health literacy
food deserts
work-life balance
junk food
BMI (Body Mass Index)
non-communicable diseases
food labeling

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
What skills are taught in school in comparison to what is needed in actual life.
The school curriculum in the UK is designed by the Department of Education. They decide what subjects and skills the students need to learn in school and high school. When we talk about skills, we can distinguish between skill for our future jobs or skills required to run our household effectively. In this essay, I will discuss what is the current situation in the UK with respect to these two different skills sets in schools.
4.5
band
Some believe that more young people hold the important positions in government, while others believe that the young people should not. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion with relevant examples.
In this essay, I am going to discuss the idea that: Some believe that more young people hold the important position in government, while others believe that the young people should not. In the beginning, that is the fact that more youth people hold the important positions in the government, and in my opinion, it has necessity. However, both views are remarkable. Positions should be filled with youths however, on the other hand, workers who have an experiences are priceless for the states or other labours. Young people can adapt the new circumstances easily. Further, their brains are fresh and they have tendency to create new ideas. However, experienced workers are more eligible for some qualified positions. Furthermore, They must keep working and their position be preserved so, less experienced workers could learn something from their experiences.
5
band
in many developing countries ,there is a problem with decline quality of air and water from both industry and construction .what measures could be taken to prevent this ?
Human needs and wants lead to new advancements in technology. The developments in industries and constructions cause detrimental effects to the quality of air and water in many developing nations. To avoid such adversities, it is crucial for both the society and the government of the nations to take immediate measures and this essay will explain the solution.
5.5
band
During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants.You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. Write a leeter to this businessman.In your letter #remind him when and where you met #tell him what kind of job you are interested in #sat why you think you would be suitable for the job
Dear Sir , I am writing to apply for the accountant in your restaurant.If you remember,we talked at the airport and you suggested that I should contact you.That's why,I am writing to you.If it applies to you too,we will meet your restaurant,15th August at 7 p.m.Firstly,let me tell you about my interests.I have experience in accountant and have worked at shop for the last 4 years.I feel that I am the most suitable candidate for this job because of my ambition and drive to make a change.Please do not appoint me as an ordinary worker,waiter in your restaurant.Because,I have a experience.Please accept this letter as an expression of my interest in the position of accountant.As seen from my enclosed resume,my experience and accomplishments match the requirements ...
5
band
Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language.
Learning a foreign language creates a lot of opportunities for all people. However, some people believe that only benefits their overseas travelling or working, while others argue that language acquisition has no limitations to its advantages. From my point of view, both of the above opinions are seriously appreciated agreeing.

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved?

Include an introduction and conclusion

What skills are taught in school in comparison to what is needed in actual life.

Some believe that more young people hold the important positions in government, while others believe that the young people should not. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion with relevant examples.

in many developing countries ,there is a problem with decline quality of air and water from both industry and construction .what measures could be taken to prevent this ?

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language.