IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The table illustrates the proportion of people aged 65 and over in Canada, Germany and the UK in 1988, 2000 and an estimation of 2030.

The table illustrates the proportion of people aged 65 and over in Canada, Germany and the UK in 1988, 2000 and an estimation of 2030.
#proportion #people #canada #germany #uk #estimation
The figure displays the percentage of citizens, who lived 65
years
 and longer, in three different countries (
Canada
,
Germany
, and the United Kingdom) between the
years
 1988 and 2000 and the predictions in 2030.
Overall
,
lifespan
Add an article
the lifespan
show examples
 of the people increased in
Canada
,
Germany
, and the UK between the
years
 1988 and 2000.
Moreover
, it is expected to be longer in 2030 for the individuals who live in those countries.
Firstly
, in the
years
 1988 and 2000,
Germany
 had the biggest
proporion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of elder citizens
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the population with 20% and 25% respectively. Like in
Germany
, the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged 65 and over, in
Canada
had
Verb problem
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 by 5% to 21% from 1988 to 2000,
while
 it reached 15% with only
1
Correct article usage
a 1
show examples
%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rise in the UK in 2000.
On the other hand
,
5
Correct article usage
a 5
show examples
% addition to the proportion of senior citizens
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 predicted for all three countries in the next 30
years
. The highest percentage of individuals, who lived 65
years
 and more, is estimated in
Germany
,
while
Canada
 is predicted
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the second place with 26%.
Moreover
, a big jump for the UK is expected with 5% more people over 65 in the next 3 decades.
Submitted by bloodylady on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, canada, germany with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: