IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The table illustrates the proportion of people aged 65 and over in Canada, Germany and the UK in 1988, 2000 and an estimation of 2030.

The table illustrates the proportion of people aged 65 and over in Canada, Germany and the UK in 1988, 2000 and an estimation of 2030.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The figure displays the percentage of citizens, who lived 65
years
Use synonyms
 and longer, in three different countries (
Canada
Use synonyms
,
Germany
Use synonyms
, and the United Kingdom) between the
years
Use synonyms
 1988 and 2000 and the predictions in 2030.
Overall
Linking Words
,
lifespan
Add an article
the lifespan
show examples
 of the people increased in
Canada
Use synonyms
,
Germany
Use synonyms
, and the UK between the
years
Use synonyms
 1988 and 2000.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is expected to be longer in 2030 for the individuals who live in those countries.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in the
years
Use synonyms
 1988 and 2000,
Germany
Use synonyms
 had the biggest
proporion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of elder citizens
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the population with 20% and 25% respectively. Like in
Germany
Use synonyms
, the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged 65 and over, in
Canada
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 by 5% to 21% from 1988 to 2000,
while
Linking Words
 it reached 15% with only
1
Correct article usage
a 1
show examples
%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rise in the UK in 2000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
5
Correct article usage
a 5
show examples
% addition to the proportion of senior citizens
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 predicted for all three countries in the next 30
years
Use synonyms
. The highest percentage of individuals, who lived 65
years
Use synonyms
 and more, is estimated in
Germany
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
Canada
Use synonyms
 is predicted
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the second place with 26%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a big jump for the UK is expected with 5% more people over 65 in the next 3 decades.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, canada, germany with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: