IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?

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It
ia
Correct your spelling
is
 a fact that private
healthcare
Use synonyms
 is ubiquitous worldwide.
Although
Linking Words
 health
facilities
Use synonyms
 are a vital need for individuals, private organizations charge high
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 for common people. I believe the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 proposition are more than the drawbacks for valid reasons.
To begin
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 with, one significant merit
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 private
hospitals
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 giving costly
treatment
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 is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the shorter waiting time.
For example
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,
canadian
Change the capitalization
Canadian
show examples
 government
hospitals
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 arrange an appointment after three or four months for any
healthcare
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 conditions,
while
Linking Words
 walk-in
clincs
Correct your spelling
clinics
 schedule an appointment for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 next day.
This
Linking Words
 is because private companies request a high payment from patients,
this
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 money
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could
use
Wrong verb form
be used
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 to expand their
facilities
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 by hiring more
staffs
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staff
show examples
 and occupying more space for a clinic, which leads to less waiting time.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, people have a greater choice in private clinics, as they
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
freeome
Correct your spelling
free
 to choose their
healthcare
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 providers including specialists because of the
high cost
Add a hyphen
high-cost
show examples
Use synonyms
treatment
Change preposition
of treatment
show examples
.
While
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 it cannot be denied that
over
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apply
show examples
treatment
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protocole
Correct your spelling
protocol
 is a significant drawback of private health industries.
This
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 can be
ealily
Correct your spelling
easily
 avoided by consulting more than one
healthcare
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professionals
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professional
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 and
Add an article
the patient
a patient
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patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 research
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their problems on the
highly
Change the adverb
high
show examples
 source internet.
Moreover
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, independent
facilities
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 often offer advanced medical
treatment
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 and technologies which is not available in publicly owned
hospitals
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.
For instance
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, physiotherapy clinics in Canada provide advanced pain relief modalities,
while
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 government
hospitals
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 only have basic
treatment
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 protocols. The reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that private clinics charge more money for the
treatment
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 as
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to public
facilities
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 which give free
treatment
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. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 non-public
hospitals
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 create over
treatment
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 methods, I firmly believe that these places give shorter wait
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
, provide better quality of care and
also
Linking Words
 show multiple options to choose our
treatment
Use synonyms
 plans.

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grammar
Improve grammar and spelling by carefully proofreading your work. For example, 'healthcare' should be one word, 'clincs' should be 'clinics,' and 'freome' should be 'freedom.'
examples
Focus on providing clearer and more specific examples. For example, instead of saying 'government hospitals arrange an appointment after three or four months,' you could specify the type of treatment this applies to.
cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas to improve overall coherence. For instance, you could use transitional phrases like 'also,' 'in addition,' or 'moreover' to connect your points seamlessly.
structure
You have presented a well-structured essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This demonstrates a good understanding of essay structure.
examples
Your main points are relevant and supported by examples, which shows a good grasp of the topic.
cohesion
You maintained a clear and consistent argument throughout the essay.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cutting-edge technology
  • highly skilled professionals
  • patient experience
  • outcomes
  • personalized care
  • healthcare practitioners
  • competition
  • standards
  • government burden
  • public funds
  • prohibitively expensive
  • disparities
  • profitability
  • over-treatment
  • neglect
  • non-profitable cases
  • ethical concerns
  • financial status
What to do next:
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