Some people think that schools should give prizes for academic successes. Others argue that it is more important for schools to give prizes for other achievements (for example, for sports, music and behaviour). Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There is a
heat
topic about whether the schools should give Correct your spelling
hot
prizes
for academic achievements or for other successes. From my point of view, both academic prizes
and non-academic prizes
are encouraged to be provided by schools.
Prizes
for academic successes
are essential. First of all, one of the most important tasks for Fix the agreement mistake
success
students
at school is learning. They are expected to master knowledge and gain academic achievements. Therefore
, prizes
for academic success can motivate students
to learn harder. Besides
, academic prizes
can help the students
who are eager to study but have no chances. Some students
are so poor that they can not even afford the fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
of
books. Academic Change preposition
for
prizes
may help them gain more opportunies
through hard work. Correct your spelling
opportunities
And it
may Correct word choice
It
also
help to enhance the equality of education, as not only rich students
can get resources of good education, but also
poor students
.
However
, prizes
for non-academic successes are also
vital. To begin
with, these kind
of Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
prizes
can stimulate students
to develop different interests. For example
, the prizes
for sports can encourage students
to do more exercises
and have healthy bodies. Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
Further more
, Correct your spelling
Furthermore
prizes
for non-academic achievements can help students
to establish the value that learning is not the
all for Correct article usage
apply
students
, and students
also
have the rights
to do the things they like, but not to be learning machines. Fix the agreement mistake
right
This
kind of positive value is beneficial for not only the growth of students
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
the development of the society.
All in all, prizes
can be given for every positive aspect. It can help students
to become the
people who have Correct article usage
apply
healthy
mentality towards everything, which encourages them to be better people.Correct article usage
a healthy
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task achievement
Although your essay provides a comprehensive response to the question, including discussion on both sides of the argument and a clear stance, there is room for improvement in terms of clarity and depth. Strengthening your arguments with more specific examples and elaboration would make your ideas more compelling and clear. For example, giving a concrete example of a student benefiting from academic prizes or a real-life instance of the positive effects of non-academic prizes would enhance your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows clear logical structure. However, the transition between paragraphs and ideas could be smoother to improve coherence. Using linking words and phrases can help guide your reader through your arguments more effectively. For example, phrases like 'On the other hand', 'Additionally', and 'Furthermore' can help to smoothly transition between different points.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally well-supported, but could benefit from additional evidence and examples. For instance, when mentioning that academic prizes can help poorer students afford books, you could provide data or a specific example to strengthen your point.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame your arguments well.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion of both views, addressing the importance of both academic and non-academic prizes.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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